I cannot let you fix me

Smiling sweetly as sugar-coated stories
Trip lightly from my polished lips
And dance straight into your inner ear
They fill your head with thoughts of progress
Make your heart swell with joy and pride
But they're all lies, because I'm too ashamed
Too scared of losing this battle that
I'm pretending to fight

I surrendered.
There's a white flag flying from my bones
Sometimes I think it could be skin...
Loose now with nothing beneath but hollow spaces
Gaping chasms where happiness used to be
But the holes are hidden from your trusting eyes
There's too many tears in the fabric of my body
For you to mend with your good intentions
And the calorie counting cataract that
Clouds all but food from sight
Can be replaced only with a plastic lens
To help my focus on perfection

Your heart won't beat in sync with mine anymore
It can't even beat in sync with itself
A perfect metaphor for the warring voices in my head
Each pushing me towards a different path
One thing they all have in common though;
They don't want  me to get better
Also, I suppose, they don't love me like you do
But love is a voice I never learnt to listen to
I respond better to the hatred...
It reflects my own thoughts.. and I'm always right,
Right?
I promise I'll heed your words one day my love,
But until then, I beg you
Please don't give up
Wait with me until my bones shatter in your grip
And you are left with the dust of memory
As I am lost to the air I aspired to be.