Idealisme.

we woke up in our cardboard wonderland,
& I could scarcely contain myself;

you were beautiful.

we explored each other, & coloured
in pictures with crayons.

...


I awoke, & you were gone.
I went through the daily routine of showering in scalding water, in the hopes of removing the desolation, & pouring a bowl of cereal I had no intention of eating;
[sometimes normality is the only thing that can save me from myself.]

every window reflection
teased me with your eyes
& your smile & your hands.

I didn't give up though, because I knew I couldn't.
I went to sleep, restless & exhausted.

...


stars decorated the walls,
& before we even dared to look to make sure it was real, our hearts fell into the same measure as if we'd never spent a day apart.

you held me close, & promised
never to disappear again;
we laughed like children &
forgot how misery felt for
a little while.

...


my chest ached;

the cavity you left within my sheets almost
matched the intensity of the one you left
within my heart.


but I didn't cry.
I didn't let the world know I was defeated.
I went through the motions of someone who was alive.

my fingers longed to be
interlaced with yours, &
I swear I could remember
every contour of your
lips, & every pattern
within your eyes.


I fell asleep with a smile of anticipation.

...


we embraced with a sense of urgency,
treasuring our limited moments together
where we could abandon ourselves
& believe in something.


the clock was against us.





suddenly,
our cardboard wonderland collapsed,
& I knew we'd lost the transition
between fantasy & reality.


[I didn't care;
I'd never have to leave you now.]