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Battlefield

We were on the battlefield,
As our swords struck first,
You were all that mattered,
For battle I had no thirst,

There were soldiers surrounding us,
As I called out your name,
You smiled at me and said:
“Things still will be the same,”

We swung our blades in unison,
They rung out in glee,
There were no more soldiers,
As far as we could see,

Again you smiled, you took my hand,
The other against my cheek,
You whispered to me softly,
As I began to weep,

Together in each other’s arms,
The war around us gone,
You stumbled and took one knee,
I knew something was wrong,

The blood against your tunic,
Blossomed red in flower,
I crushed you close beneath my arms,
And gave you all my power,

An arrow sprouted bravely forth,
As my tears washed away
The blood upon your tunic,
I swore I’d always stay,

Your smile was like sunshine,
Your touch as soft as rose,
With your graceful smile,
You tried to wash away my woes,

The deed was finally done,
You blessed me one last look,
Before that darkening world,
Brutally from me took,

I screamed out to the Heavens,
“This cruel fate wasn’t fair!”
But no one answered my livid roar,
It seemed they didn’t care,

I waited for sun’s rising,
As the nighttime fell away,
But light was faded from your form,
There was nothing else to say,

I wept out my heart for you,
A solemn silence came,
It was then I truly knew,
I would never be the same,

I smiled from too much screaming,
I smiled remembering you,
But soon I wept again,
I saw that life was through,

For longer than I remember,
I held you in my arms,
Until Death’s blade took me,
He crushed me in his palms,

I was on the battlefield,
That feared and fateful day,
As the arrow struck your heart,
T’was my life it drained away,

Author notes

I had just watched a movie called Shadowless Sword, and the main character's lover died in battle - I almost cried.

About love and lost love (prompt.1).
For Michelle-Elizabeth's contest (option2)

A contest entry

How was that?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • ladybug.
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry, but you exceeded my line limit by 10 lines. I hope you understand my disqualification.


  • forbidden-colour
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Very sad write, alike the comment below I do not know how I would cope with my lover dying.
    A great perspective and you have obviously given readers a chance to think!
    Thank you for entering.
    sophie


  • l o v e b u r s t
    July 7

    Edit | Reply

    Judges View

    sad, i dont think i could handle life, if my lover died.
    love the last line
    "I was on the battlefield,
    That feared and fateful day,
    As the arrow struck your heart,
    T’was my life it drained away,"

    Thank you for entering my contest


  • Ademon
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful write, and congrats on the gold, properly rewarding of so too! Keep up the excellent write.


  • Kira65
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    I love it.... you had me crying by the end! it has a great flow and is just overflowing with emotion.
    Thank you for entering and good luck.

  • Legion.As.One
    June 27
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks to everyone who commented on this piece.


  • Not-The-Sun
    June 26

    Edit | Reply

    terrific!

    Absolutely beautiful and so heart felt. I had tears in my eyes as I read the last two stanzas. Well done with this! Thank you for entering and best of luck to you

  • piccola silver member
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    I think I've commented on this before in another of my contests so I'll just say thank you for entering.


  • Fallen-Muse
    June 18

    Edit | Reply

    Liked it

    Thank you so much I can feel your emotion in this peice. Keep up the good work thanks for your entry and good luck.


  • Borntowriteforever
    June 18

    Edit | Reply

    Judge's Verdict

    It is a little on the long side, but I guess you can say that what makes it good. the flow and idea behind are amazing. thank you for entering and good luck!


  • pain is love.
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem. It is a little on the long side but it was so good. I liked the flow thank you for your great entry!

  • poets whisper
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    congrats on the gold. I see you were DQd from a contest. At least you were told why I was DQd today without even so much as an explanation .... anyway, I thought it a nice write. Good imagery and nice rhyme. Thank you for sharing with us.


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    i have to QC it
    it doesn't follow the rules and i gave a month and 5 notices
    sorry but i had warned
    thanks
    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words


  • MelissahhMidnite
    June 6
    Edit | Reply
    I like this, its just beautiful how you've managed to capture emotion.
    thanks for entering


  • MysteriousWhisper
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    great imagery and strong emotion packed into this poem. great job and good luck in the contest!


  • DesolatELifE
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    Good ending. Very good ending. Thanks for entering.


  • spiritraven
    June 4
    Edit | Reply

    Well Done

    well it did make me cry story well done good imagery emotion packed words good flow all that it takes to make a good write thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck in it


  • Michelle-Elizabeth
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Aww
    I really like what you did here. Your words are strong and powerful and emotional, it flows well, and the rhyming sounds natural.

    "I wept out my heart for you,
    A solemn silence came,
    It was then I truly knew,
    I would never be the same,

    I smiled from too much screaming,
    I smiled remembering you,
    But soon I wept again,
    I saw that life was through"

    Love that part
    Keep writing thanks for entering, and best wishes


  • a-girl-from-ashes
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    so cool i loved this pome

1 - 24 of 24