As she models her clothes her mother states
"you're putting on a little weight"
When she looks in the mirror she can't debate
So she decides to limit what she puts on her plate.
She cuts out certain foods and restricts the rest
All in her ambition to be her mothers best.
It doesn't take long before she is obsessed
And in her mind the monster infests
She curls up in pain on her bed
As her body cries out to be fed
But she has to obey the voice in her head
"All of this fat must be shed"
She whispers desperately "Save me please".
As she falls once again to her bruised knees
She's lost all control to this disease
She's fading fast and on one sees.
She desperately fights for just a little control
She wants a perfect body and a perfect soul
The effects of this beast are taking a toll
As lower and lower she sets her goal
Four years later she's struggling still
Yet no dreams have been fullfilled
She's tired of this killer, of being ill
To fight for life, she's lost her will
Her weight drops to a mere sixty-five pounds
But still she can't see the loss so profound
In this disorders chains she in bound
There is no way out, she's hit the ground
She grows weaker day by day
Her heart is failing, she's in a state of decay
With her last breath, for her mother she trys to pray
And her body dies and spirt fades away.
Author notes
The prompt I used was beauty and how it destroys stuff. I wrote this for my cousin who i lost late last year to this aweful diease. I erge ANYONE out there suffering talk to someone get help because I know what it is like to watch someone you love die slowly dont put anyone you love through that!!
Dedicated to Tanya RIP baby we love you and miss you everyday I hope now your spirt can be happy, free and content!!!
A contest entry
- prewrites by Ami.
550 points, ended July 12, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE... maybe rounds I'll see what i get!!! by Unbreakable3.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lots of Options. :) Come check it out! by FightOffYourDemons.
400 points, ended September 4, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive criticism please and thank you
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I feel this. Ive done this. I'm still fighting it. but i love your poem! its great!
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Very nice great rhymign and everythign! I am sorry abotu your loss, thnak you very much for your entery
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I really, really like this poem and I am so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking and it reminds me all over again of the reality of this thing. :-(
Unfortunately, I have to DQ this from my contest. My rules stated that you cannot enter any other contests with this poem until mine is judged. It's a nitpicky thing, but it's there nevertheless. Sorry about that. But I have ED-related contests every month, so feel free to enter my next one with this piece or a new one. -
Very Good.
I can really relate to this. Some lines remind me of Radiohead's 'Creep' lyrics. A great song, too.
''I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul''
..I love your poem!!
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wow
Hi I am struggling with starving myself for about a year. I did it in 5th grade that was 6 years ago I was a size 22 i got down to a 11. So I was happy till I gained back up to a size 18. I havent told my mom. I have told my pageant director and she is trying to get me help but I dont want it so I just lie to her that I have been eatting for the last couple months. I am so sorry for your loss. -
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Ok babe hear it is straight as I can give it, if you keep lying you WILL get sicker and sicker and the sicker you get the longer it takes to get better... if ever...I've been in the modelling industry and I know how tough it is...but there is no need for you to starve your self... it is taking the easy way out...you need to eat health and exersize and I knoe you have probably been told that a million times but it is true....but fist you need to get help...I don't know how old you are...but My first suggestis see your doctor...dont like yourdoctor...see adifferent doctor...only one doctor in your town...catch a train/bus/boat to a different town and see a doctor there. They can help and dont give up....next I would suggest giving modelling a break just for a month or two...you need to wory about getting some help and not about everything else in the modelling world...your doctor can set you up seeing a dietion and/or a coucelor both these things are a good thing trust me.....i really want you two get better and I not giving up let me know what you think of my suggestions and please dont lie to me if you are not eatting dont tell me you are is you dont go and see a doctor dont tell me you have....i have had enough experience with my cuz lying to me to know whether or not you are telling the truth or not...
I believe in you....keep fighting....you can win this I know you can and I am here 100% of the way for you....my email addy is at the bottom of this msg drop my a msg if you want!!
xoxoZOExoxo
zoe.vaughan2@education.nsw.gov.au
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wow
wow is all i can say..
it's an amazing poem. i totally relate. i've been battling for almost three years now..
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Thank you i glad you like it!
Dear girl i am sorry to here you are suffering dont do it alone please seek help if you havent already i know it's not easy but please! If you ever need anyone to talk 2 IM me i will be happy 2 talk.
good luck
Zoe
xoxo -
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I have two counselors...they don't talk to me about it either, they think it's just an attention thing like my mom, because I told them. They think that someone with the issue doesn't want anyone to know about it, and that's true, I didn't want anyone in the world to know about it.
In 8th grade nobody knew the troubles and insecurity's I was having (I'm so very good at putting on a fake smile) in 9th grade my friend had caught me and I convinced her to join me, she did, and so did another. We were always together, we were in the fight together. We still are, now that I'm trying to get past it though, it's hard when nobody will help you because they think nothings wrong.
This year, my third year in dealing with my body issues, and trying to cope with other pain as well through not eating and purging I'm trying to seize the process. I'm trying to overcome all the damage that I've already done to my body and the damage that will happen if I don't stop, but nobody I know will take it seriously.
That's just how my family is, even my counselors, they want to be oblivious to the issues so they don't have to deal with them.
I just wish that they would understand it's not for the attention, I don't like the attention in fact, but it's my obsession. I also feel like my consumption of food, my weight, is my only control in life. It is the one thing that I can manage and nobody else can have a say in.
I let the hunger take over all the other pain.
I just wish I would've known in 8th grade what I was getting myself into. I wish I would have never talked my friends into coming with me when they found me purging...
It's hard dealing with that on my plate, knowing that if something bad happens to them like it has to me, it will be my fault..
-emalie -
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Ok my dear girl I have heard enough. God be damn if I am going to let the same fate come to you that came to my cousin. Everything you are saying is almost identical to what happened to my cousin. Dear girl I BELIEVE YOU and everytime someone says they dont believe you or you feel noone believes you remind your self that actually yes there is someone out there that believes me. Second this get a new councilor, keeping trying new ones until you find one that believes you and isn't going to judge you a good place to start is your loval community health center. Third thing visit your doctor from what I can gather you are year 10 that would make you roughly 15/16 meaning legally you can visit your doctor with out your parents and your doctor will bulk bill meaning you wont have to pay, talk to your doctor tell her what is going on and she/he can send you in the right dirction. Again if he/she doesnt believe you dont give up try a different doctor and a different doctor and a different doctor. Your doctor may advise you go to a dietition this is a very good idea THEY CAN HELP!
I konw this all sounds very scary and I know that 15/16 can be a rough age even without the added stresses you are suffering but PLEASE DON"T GIVE UP by replying to these messages I know you are seriuos about getting help DON'T GIVE UP!! As for your friends please dont give your self a hard time what is done is done at this stage in time YOU need to look after YOU. And when you have got the help you need then you can start and put your friends on the right track. At the bottom of this msg i will add my email addy send me an email from your account and we can talk via email (a lot more private)
I am here now to help you , hang in there honey!
xoxoZOExoxo
My email is zoe.vaughan2@education.nsw.gov.au -
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i don't have internet. i only have it on my phone. but When ever i get a connection i will email you. thank you for believing.
now also i moved. i don't have a doctor anymore. i'm about to move again. i'm only 15. i don't have my license so i don't know how i'd get to the doctor without my mother knowing..
if she did know i wanted to go because of this she'd freak out and wouldn't understand like always...
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right you are in a bad place aren't you ok I am going to try and help in every way I can......ok first I am going to tell you to do something I really do not condone and will never tell you to do it again but I think it is the only way.....You are going to have to lie to your mum....you are going to tell her you think you have thrush and you woul like to see a doctor this way you can tell her you would like to see him/her on your own because it is slightly inbarressing....let me know what you think of this idea....oh ya and when you get in to the doctor you can tell her the truth....good luck
xoxoZOExoxo
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i have tried bt my mom and everyone sees it as a joke. like its nt real. thats why i love this site, i can purge through words and people understand, not only that but i also know i am not alone here.
i am terribly sorry about your loss. -
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Dear girl don't stop at your mother she is one person out of a hundred million in the world i know it hurts that she doesn't believe you but trust me with out help from someone (not sitting behind a computer screen)you will not be able to move forward out of a place i know you dont want to be in i promise you it wont be easy but i also promise you i know you are strong enough!
xoxo
Zoe
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