S L A P P E D
What I meant to say was
"I'm not going to take that!"
What came out was
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."
P U N C H E D
What I meant to say was
"I am leaving you forever"
What came out was
"Baby, I'm so sorry."
K I C K E D
What I meant to say was
"You are not going to break me!"
What came out was
"I'll get dinner ready."
(I'm already broken)
W H I P P E D
Into submissiveness by years of abuse
There is nothing left to say
The words lost all meaning
The first time I didn't say them
Author notes
Bronze in DucKyGeRmS' contest allpoetry.com/Contest/692916
Written March 16th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- summer flings, music lines , and other stuff by NewanDpRetTy.
300 points, ended July 9, 2004, 29 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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you've got talent for sure
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this was good. i like the way you worded (is that a word?) the poem. i hope this isnt true for you like it is for so many other people. congratulations on the bronze!
{~oblivion~} -
this made me cry!!! 
I luv you! I hope this isn't true... I luv you!!!!!
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hey! very powerful poem there!i love the way you've set it out, it's really effective! its a really clever idea saying the what i wanted to say and the what i did say! thanks for entering my contest and good luck! ~lulu~
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wow...this is intense..and greatly written
(is greatly a word) ooo well written...thats what i meant...i love the whole what u meant to say and what u actually DID say...great write! -
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Nice write. I like the way it was set up, and the only trouble I see is that it has no real grabber; the end was almost expected (though the last line was very good, it seemed almost like an echo of greatness in an empty canyon). -
This was kind of sad. And like i said before....now he wants to beat without the beer. Hey all the better....tools in the garages should do a nice job on his cowardus ass. God i hate little wussy nothings who beat their women....
-J. -
a very emotional/ powerful write... great job on this piece well writtenThank you for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck in it as well....
take care and god bless
~~~~~~~ Soulz ~~~~~~~~~~
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great
Great poem, very strong, powerfull and scary. Great written. Good luck in contest and in life. Anna -
Great poem! Very vivid, and it definately gets the point accross! How do abusive people always manage to make it seem like it's everyone else's fault? Love and fear are two emotions that should never be mixed... But all too often are... Thanks for you comment on my poem, too, it's been a pleasure to return the favour.
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ouch...it cut so deep but thats a good thing....great job...you are an awesome poet...I gotta go read more...
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I really like the literal imagery used in this piece. Brilliant lol. By the way I love your author page. Korn is one my all time fav bands. U kick major poetic ass. Thanks for your comments on my stuff as well.
The New Kid -
I have never known abuse but I'm sure that many people who have can relate to this. You are a strong person to be able to tell others about your horrible ordeal. This was a very powerful piece. Thank you for sharing it.
~isa~ -
Great write
wow , don't give up it is not to late - kick him to the curb and take your life back. He is not worth the pain.
God always allows u-turns and now it is your turn.
I use to put up with all of that ++ and thank God now it is over.
I will say a prayer for you also.
Thanks for reading my poem and making comment on it.
With christian Love,
Dawn -
Tear-jerking
Wow... This is so powerful and sad. I loved the format. This was a great poem. I could feel the pain you were going through. It's so hard to leave someone we love who abuses us, but otherwise we lose ourselves.
Hugs,
~Sarah~ -
IT's so sad when someone takes cruel measures to hurt and belittle others.Nothing is ever gained from their bullishmess.
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Just amazing!
Oh so Heartbreaking! This piece feels sooo incredibly real, like I'm right there feeling it all. You did such an amazing job. This is so hauntingly beautiful. Every line had me feeling your words! And the already broken part just ripped me up! This was brilliant. It takes a strong person to write about the horrors in thier life...I'm glad that you have also become strong enough to get away from it!
Good luck in the contest...
Peace and love
Susan -
Oh my, can really feel the blows in this one!
A brilliant write to get to say
what you always wanted to say~
Aweseome write! -
oh...my...god. this is so heartbreaking and SO beautiful. amazing write.
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I'm still trying to figure out how you made such a great piece with so few and such simple words... definitely portrayed a powerful message in this piece, and there is so much truth to it...
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excelllent
What you say here is so true, I have worked with abused wives and it is hearbreaking. You poem is short, true and to the point, which is about all our women can handle at this point in time. This should be posted on Interval House and other crisis centers so that the women could know it is not just them. Thanks for sharing your talent. -
wow what a powerful message of how abuse can kill the soul and bring silence to what one needs and wants to say. You did an excelent job at portraying what an abused person does in an abusive situation. I hope this is not personally about you and if it is my heart goes out to you
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The only thing that comes to mind is....."How True." A very nice wrote about something so vile!
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great write...very sad abuse...*shivers*...i really like this one, especially at the beginning of every stanza how you put each action...great job...keep it up and good luck...
God bless
-Stac- -
This was an awsome poem! It remended me of my friend who had been married to an abusive relationship, and it went on like you wrote it. She has a lot of problems now. But once she found God again she knew she had to leave. Anyway... Very well done!
God Bless
Jenna -
whispernthedark~
Hey! I thought thought that this was a really good piece. I thought that it was nicely written. I think that this happens often I mean I have heard of this happening. I have never hit, punched, kick or whatever someone that I was with. No one has ever done that to me either, so I can't realte to this. Keep writing, and thank you for sharing this poem with us.
~!~Manda~!~ -
how often we wished we had said something to cut back, to wound, to tear ones' soul so that they ca nfeel the agony of love ripped into shreds a piece at a time, but lips fail to form the words that hearts deny for too long until it is too late....many marriages and relationships are on standby hoping for a flight of passion but grounded by the loudspeaker of dissappointments in their ears....Artis
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