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For Sarah

Take another breath, let the smoke grow warm
like fireflies at the edge of your sunlit eyes,
raising waves that cover your vain storm.
There is beauty in being burnt beyond reason,
letting burdens be burdens as they form,
washing you clean of images of golden carves.
Bringing vengeance to those who seek it
Bringing desolation to those who choose it

Am I the poison that forsakes me?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • PersephoneInWinter
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    I am really bad at form poetry, but this seems like this was written in a certain form, and I think that this is very good for being a form poem (if it is)

    i love the fire imagery and the warm colors that you used to bring out the emphasis on the fire and burning. i also love the phonetics of the words that you chose; the poem has an excellent rhythm. this is short but it is so compact with emotions and feeling! great write!


    • ml12
      June 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the glowing review.

      It's not a form, I'm used to writing songs so I need to rhyme or get all tense [smiling emoticon]