i'm trying to pick up the pieces.
we'd broken off, like a hyphenated word that half-fell onto the next line of the page. a trick of the eye, we didn't seem to mean anything together anymore.
& i know you don't love me anymore. i've seen you lend yourself to others, letting them explore you & call you their own. & i remember when i thought it was mutual between us: i let you explore me too, nourishing yourself with what i am.
i'm sorry that we've only had an on-and-off relationship. it's my fault, i know. i took too much pleasure manipulating you & using you for my own means. i'll readily accept all the blame on this one, if only you'd come back to me.
please.
i'm only fragments without you; discontinuous, without sense, without structure. i liked myself so much more when i was with you. i'm willing to give this another shot, if you are.
please, words, come back to me. i'm sorry i could never call myself a poet before & so left you. but now it just feels like i broke off a part of myself. & i miss you more than i thought i would. i think of you every time i go outside, every time i see colour, every time i notice detail. every time i'm living, i think of you. i miss what we had. & i miss what we could be.
please forgive me, words.
i want you living in me again. i want to be whole, with you.
Author notes
I haven't written in too long. I am now going to try to write every second day to get back into it, starting today... wish me luck, haha.
A contest entry
- pinwheels. by girl shaman.
400 points, ended June 12, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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You are a real person, actual and whole and the words do come back. Funny how words have a life of their own and we tend to get in their way. Hard to let go of self and just let it happen without expectations.
Someone once told me not to write when I want to, but only when I need to. There is some truth in that.
Anyway, you have abundant talent.
Garrison
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I miss your Muse, too. This is lovely.
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This is how to do it; write about not being able to write!
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