Lost Mother, Lost Daughter

You look at me through the thick glass
of the door to the padded room I'm in
The staff here say I'm not responding
to all the medications and therapies
that they hurl at me one after the next

I stare back through the scratched window
I see the tears in your eyes and if I wasn't
so numbed up inside I think I would cry too

You see my hair that hasn't been brushed in days
You see my teeth that are yellowing and gross
You see the way I rock back and forth to soothe
the self that I still have closed up tight inside

I want to open the locked door and reach out
I want to grab your arms and hug you tight
I want to sit in your lap and have you comfort me
like a little girl who just needs some love and care
But the doors stay locked and you don't have the key
and you don't like to hug me anymore these days
and even though I'm small I'm no longer a child

I'm not your little girl anymore now
I'm a mental patient in a psych ward
and you can't seem to see past that
All you see are my flaws and shortcomings

You see the way I mumble and ramble back
to the voices that only I can hear and notice
You don't see the way I also say to you
"I love you mom and I need you right now"
You see my fear of things that aren't real
but you don't see my fear of what my reality
has turned into hear on this locked ward
You see the way my eyes don't focus
but you don't see the times that my eyes
are staring right at you and pleading for you
to notice that I'm more than just a screw up
I'm still your teenage daughter that loves you

You walk away from the window
shaking your head and sighing
and I start to scream and cry
in my little locked Quiet Room
the staff tell me to stop crying
you don't even turn around
to check in on me once more
but if you did you'd know that
this time my problems not just
the schizophrenia acting up
you'd know that just as you cry
for the daughter you once knew
I cry for the mother I seem to have lost