as if they had a surface,
oceanic steps arrive with skin like satin
glimmering night moon's light
seductive invitation to catch the drift
and... I
am innately drawn
to the maw of meetings
where there is a knowing
taste,
twirling me in lee of breath that savors salt,
squeezing until all fight is wrought
in helpless scud
and I am led to affinities with fish and shell
and all things that smell
where I become much more--
my limits now
placed upon the shores
where I am variant of mood and movement
and part of the slide of tides
Author notes
I have revised this on July 24,09
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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'my limits now
placed upon the shores'
Very, very well penned... I loved the images of the ocean you used, sets an imagination to carelessly wander a bit...
Keep on penning with ink that never fade...
illusion
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This is a very interesting piece, I'm not quite sure I get it, I mean I have an idea but I'm not gonna embarrass myself and try and tell you, but I did enjoy it
It's very creative and the dictation is amazing. Thank you for entering my contest!
Blessings,
~Michaela~ -
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I imagined being drawn to the ocean (using waves as steps) as if by its mysterious lure; and ultimately I am absorbed in its essence---thus, the tidal movements at the poem's conclusion. The satanic reference was to indicate a feeling of seduction.
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I find this piece challenging in its depths and thus am unsure if I will ever plumb its full meaning for the writer. However I can enjoy the pleasing justaposition of words and phrases that makes prose into poetry. The choice of the right word in the right place or occasionally the apparently wrong pairing that produces an unexpectedly efficient meaning (eg maw of meeting, slide of tides).
Excellent work.
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this is vital - exhilarating!
the placement of the period after 'and', if i am to assume it was intentional - and i do unless told otherwise - seems to impart weight to implied things left to the imagination. i like that.
i enjoy the urgency and energy in this piece:
"innately drawn
to a great maw of meeting"
"twirling me in melee of breath that savors salt,
squeezing until all fight is wrought"
and the ending is the perfect close.
i love this!
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When you take a metaphor this far, you begin to fear that you may not get back. I am relieved that you were willing to take the trip. My daughter tells me that a writer needs to imagine that at least one reader will have a catcher's glove and pop it with her fist and say, "put 'er there." Thanks for your positive reaction.
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...that you have chosen to associate this seduction with the satanic or the negative is significant (as opposed to seduction treated in a positive way - a charming of someone by an appeal to the senses) - this, to me makes the piece more dynamic - the idea that the person in the poem is not given over easily to such feelings. it is somehow more compelling that the person is not frolicking forth toward the swell with wild abandon but that there is an inward struggle.
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