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tired

Where is my love,
the girl i dream of.
The one that can help
sooth my aching heart.
I've searched and searched
and dreamed for so long
that I grow tired.
Tired of waiting,
tired of the pain,
tired of the feeling
of having a hole in my chest
where my heart should be.
All I want
is someone who loves me
for me,
not who they want me to be.
But I'm tired of looking,
and wondering if I should
just give up,
and just submit to my curse
to be alone for eternity,
never truly knowing
the caress of a lover,
or the warmth of her touch.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Jasmine Minx
    September 15
    Edit | Reply
    aww poor rah you will find someone. i would have dated you if you were closer. im sorry hun


  • Amythest Rose
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    NO! NEVER GIVE UP!

    There is plenty of woman out in this world, some genuine some not, finding love is like a gamble of the sorts, you need to bet in order to know if they are the one to cure the loneliness.

    Soon she will find her way to you, I just know it, love requires a load full of patience but all that waiting will pay off when you meet her.


  • lunagirl15
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    i really like this poem.. i know you'll find the one your looking for. everyone deserves love. sometimes you'll find that person when your not looking. or in the last place you think you would find them. but i know how you feel. i really do...


  • PhoenixFaith
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    Aww this is so sad and full of emotion. Great work with this one. It flows awesome together.

    Best of luck and thanks for entering.
    Kate


  • The-Scene-One
    June 11
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is amazing i totally know how you feel


  • Jihi-Kami
    June 9

    Edit | Reply
    Personally, stanzas of a poem help it to flow much better. So I would say put some stanzas in to help the poem flow.

    Also there are a few lines that could be merged, and not broken off in the place they are, making for an awkward read. Line numbers fourteen and fifteen are examples of this, rather than
    "is someone who loves me
    for me,"
    I would suggest making it,
    "is someone who loves me for me".

    Also line numbers eighteen, and nineteen could be merged.
    In line number four "sooth" is spelled "soothe".

    And line numbers ten, eleven, and twelve could be:
    "tired of this feeling
    that there's a hole
    where my heart should be."
    Just to help flow.

    This is a very cliche thought process for poeple. "Oh, why am I so alone, isn't there someone for me." But its a relavent thought process in everyones life, its a stage that ends it realizing that there is someone, they just hadn't shown up yet. You've put this thought into a beautiful poem that everyone can relate to. Good job.

    Thanks for sharing your poem,
    Misty.


  • lord zero
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    nice write i think it is intesting i fell for you in this one i have been there befor i just can't write you have a talnet for showing all your emotion great work i enjoyed the read


  • Danzy007
    June 2

    Edit | Reply

    yay 2nd comment


    this is a good write, hits home and is full of emotion but i cant say i was very effected by it lol yes i'm the cruel heart breaker sort so it's kinda useless against me


  • Sarin Rayne
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Dear brother this poem is full of emotion it makes me want to cry.I love it and do not give up.The women of your dreams SHALL come.I know this from experiance.You have a wonderful talent and such a kind soul.Keep writting brother.

1 - 9 of 9