Crazed.
Pathetic.
Lonely.
Lost.
Every bit of hope you once had striped away and ripped apart.
Blundering wilderness vastly stretched out before you,
Mostly it is dark, small patches of light, the only brightness that can be glimpsed.
And where shall you go?
No where.
You shall sit and stare,
Wonder and dream: Oh, Self, I do dare to think it, what could we have been?
Oh, we are nothing, nothing, nothing.
Why, haven't we forever been nothing and nothing?
Oh yes, for you must agree, it was from nothing that you came
And nothing you race towards.
Ha! Indeed, Self, you're a smart one, you noticed that too, did you?
But of course, what else could we be
Besides crazy, pathetic lonely and lost?
Simply nothing, Self, for all of those are nothing too.
Ah yes, we are nothing, nothing, nothing.
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A contest entry
- EVERYTHING/ANYTHING-PW allowed! by Heva Feva.
400 points, ended June 8, 170 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite conest by serenity silvermoon.
1500 points, ended June 12, 429 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
650 points, ended August 15, 456 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive criticism plz
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Good job with this piece.
The single words above really enforce what's being said here.
Bravo
♥ Kate -
The repition makes this so, so hauntingly sad.
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Thanks for your comment. when I wrote it, I intended it to be hauntingly sad, so I am very glad you can see that. Thanks again!
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ok well you may think you are nothin but this poem sure is something great job
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Thanks so much!
!
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Very nice write. I have pondered the thought from time to time...there could only be nothing if there were something to compare it to.
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nice job of using repetition. It is filled with hopelessness and that comes across to the reader. Very strong write. Nice job.
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Great job. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
-heva -
Oh yes, for you must agree, it was from nothing that you came
And nothing you race towards.
Ha! Indeed, Self, you're a smart one, you noticed that too, did you?
But of course, what else could we be
Besides crazy, pathetic lonely and lost?
Simply nothing, Self, for all of those are nothing too.
Ah yes, we are nothing, nothing, nothing
That's my favorite part. Well said. I like the sing song nature of this.
Very sweet
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Nice write...too bad we have to live with "Self" 24/7..LOL...it has a nice flow to it...dark....
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Simply nothing, Self, for all of those are nothing too.
I love this line. amazing write. -
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Thanks : )
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I think it would add to the poem if you would take that first line 'Crazed. Pathetic. Lonely. Lost.' and put spaces inbetween them like this
crazed.
pathetic.
lonely.
lost.
it sounds like you're beating yourself up inside your head, a prison of nothing.
remember this is the hard part of surviving.
you know my beliefs on the nothingness of everything, so I shall leave you with only this,
small points of light seep through pearls of enternal moonless midnight, peals of laughter like a hidden waterfall, a smile that isn't completly real yet isn't completly fake, something inside of us makes us fight, though lonely, jaded, miserable and alone we fight, we live for some reason.
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