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Invisble

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can you not...

 

 

                  hear me,

 

                        see me ,

 

                            touch me.

 

 

 

Am I invisible?

 

 

 

Don't you know that I can...

 

 

                                       feel,

 

                                         hurt,

 

                                            cry,

 

                                              die.

 

 

 

 Am I invisible?

 

 

 

 

Alone in this place that you made for me

my love matches my desire to be with you

I miss you my darling.

 

Can you not see that I am...

 

 

                                       begging,

 

                                         pleading,

 

                                           wanting.

YOU.

 

 

 

You act as if I am not here.......

 

am I.................

 

       INVISIBLE?

 

Your my everything and I am leaving

this life for you but can't you see me

while you are with her?  Or am I just......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                        INVISIBLE

Author notes

Just something that came to mind with the picture


Picture credit: http://fc09.deviantart.com/fs21/f/2007/269/a/c/ace708f69217e02a.jpg




OptionE: Prewrite option.


S a p h i r a C a l v i a i r e

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • VampireKitty-
    October 5
    Edit | Reply
    good job...good luck in the contest


  • TerriMac gold member
    September 1
    Edit | Reply

    lovely

    thank you and good luck x


  • dutch2lips gold member
    July 23
    Edit | Reply
    a beauty in words and in impressions
    thank you for entering


  • MysteriousWhisper
    July 17
    Edit | Reply
    no.

  • SapereAude11
    July 17
    Edit | Reply
    no.


  • trekkergirl
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    I like this one. Very creative. I like the way you Emphasised words by arranging them as you did. Good creative write. I really enjoyed reading this one.


  • Dragonbabyx3
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    Ouch! This is heart breakingly sad. So much emotion flooded me when I read this poem. The feeling of pure sadness, and betrayl. Something I never want to feel again. You did a excellent job with this piece! Good Luck and Thankyou for entering my contest!


  • The cliche typo
    June 14

    Edit | Reply

    good

    i love this poem- once you pollow the rule bellow---
    i can put it on the finalist list =))

    (a note for the all of your poems enntered in my contest- i wont add any poems to the finalist list if i dont know wich option it is based on)

  • The cliche typo
    June 14
    Edit | Reply

    good

    i still need to know what option this is


  • pain is love.
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    For so few words this was a wonderful poem. I have felt this pain in my life and again in your poem. I like the format. The emotion is so strong it calls to the reader. Thank you for this amazing entry.


  • Fourthaxis
    June 9

    Edit | Reply
    The raw feelings behind these words were easy to grasp. It is very dismal and heartbreakingly painful to know that the one you love totally ignores you.
    This spoke volumes to me. A very touching write.
    Pen on.


  • Maggie Kay gold member
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    loves it. so simple yet effective and i love the lay out of the words.
    nothing i can say will do this poem justice. (Sorry but i think i spelt that wrong lol )
    The feelings your poem describes are such strong and real emotions hard to get over or live with
    thanks for entering
    great work and keep it up


  • Edi-mae
    June 4

    Edit | Reply

    Great Work

    Sad but Beautiful... I liked the format, i did a similar layout on one of mine; slowly, to encourage the reader to go slow, not sure if it works for others but does for me... very well written

  • NoMoreAThought
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    This reminds me of a poem that I had written some time ago. I'll post it here for you to read.

    Can you see me?

    Your stare pierces through me.
    I feel as if I don't exist.
    Focus, look me in the eyes.
    I wish to appear in each others arms.
    Even if it were so.
    I feel as if I'm never there.
    I feel that I'm alone in your world.
    All I ask is can you see me?
    See who I am.
    Or do you stare on through to the emptiness of your hear?

    I wrote this of course before I knew that adding punctuation to every line was over kill.

    I'm not a grammerist so how am I supposed to know. lol

    Anyway your poem reminded me of that one.

    But yours is done extremely better. lol

    Well done. Keep up the excellent work.


  • Neko Mimi Soundwave silver member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply

    FLOW!

    I loved it, I really did. And I am sorry if this comment is not entirely helpful, but please, think of you say it, before submitting to a final text.

    If you are going to revise it, add flow. Dramatic pauses, rushed parts, slow parts - it all adds up to pleasure for reading.


  • Jade-
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    Aww, I like this so full of emotion. And...pretty.


  • Delete---
    June 2
    Edit | Reply
    are you moving to him?


  • Sarin Darktree
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is full of sadness and it makes me feel the emotion.If you wish to talk hun I always have an open ear for you hun.Great job on the poem.


  • Diminished Capacity gold member
    June 1
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is sad but beautiful. you did an awesome job.

1 - 22 of 22