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Anyone Can Be Maximus

 

So well deserv'd, this paperweight that sits
Upon the varnished mantel, trophy case,
Because I played a part that, perfect, fits
Me to a T, nobody else could face
The grueling hours of flexing, looking good,
Reciting lines so dry they make men weep,
Who else could touch the stalks, the dirt, the wood
With concentration that would put to sleep
A paying public, hungry for pure crap?
They eat it up, and pat me on the back.
And when the show is over they will clap,
As if I did this just for them, my crack!
  For anyone could fill the role, the show;
  I should have got my Oscar years ago.

Author notes

Technically, this is not a sonnet, since I let ideas carry over from stanza to stanza, whereas a standard sonnet's quatrains are supposed to be self-contained.  Then again, as I never said this was a sonnet, I'm not worried about it.

Well, obviously I hate the movie Gladiator, and I think that Crowe did not deserve an Oscar for his portrayal.  Any shaven chimp could've done his role just as well.  I think he should've won for The Insider, and that's the reason they gave it to him for Gladiator, because they knew they'd screwed up.

There, rant done.  Enjoy!

Thanks!

- Giovanni
Written March 15th, 2004

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • vampira1665 silver member
    April 1, 2004
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    Hehehehe, this was funny, I could tell right away you did not like something. I love the soundtrack and that is it. Ohh and his voice, but didn't watch the movie, and don't want too.

    Hugs and bites, Lady Raven


  • HelloWorld
    March 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Haha, nice...... I thought that this was neat...

    I think that you do best with humor I LOVE AP!!, haha, you helped me become what I am today..... and now I am with........another girl


  • March 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    well...not quite anyone...don't think i could even pick up one of those swords (even if they were made of rubber). you are right about the acting though...just goes to show how political the academy awards are. should have won it for 'a beautiful mind' instead. going to have to read more of your stuff...really peaks my interest.
    ~liz


  • EstherG
    March 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Brilliantly done! It's not often that you find flawlessly written rhyming poetry on here (ie, attention to meter, fluid rhythm, non-cliched rhyme), and it's even rarer that you find one written so eloquently. You've captured the casual elegance of a good speaker within the restraints of rhyme, and you've done it masterfully. I also very much appreciated the topic - I attempted (not by choice, I hasten to add) to watch Gladiator about a year ago, and found it unwatchable. Largely because of Mr.Crowe.

    My favourite lines in this were 'who else could touch the stalks, the dirt, the wood with concentration that would put to sleep a paying public?' Beautifully concise. I also liked the sonnet-esque structure.


  • silica silver member
    March 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Once again I find myself in concurrence with your almost, sonnettements, not really much to Crowe about at all, in fact added a new meaning to a murder of Crowe’s… still at least Joaquin put in a strong performance. Oh, and good poem.
    Edited on Mar 19, 5:43 because ''.


  • Arcaenne
    March 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hehe... you're funny! Brilliant as ever, don't lose that sense of humour now...


  • MuseStalker
    March 16, 2004
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    excellent...yet again

    I agree with the sentiment and applaud the poetry. Thanks for sharing your always wonderful writing, and your ever amusing wit.


  • maryannde gold member
    March 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I chuckled at the fact that you had to tell us in your comments that you hated the movie Gladiator. I think I got that all on my own.
    The Oscars seem to be all hollywood hype. If they smooge the correct people, they win. If you don't play the game...they tend to snub. Most of the movies that win...I hated. LOL Moulon Rouge...was an exception. Ok..so was Return of the King.

    Back to your humorous vent...Since I have a fondness for rhyme..LOL...I liked it.

    Have a great day!~
    Mary ann


  • Todd Roswell
    March 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    clever.

1 - 9 of 9