flowers stir in expectation of the coming dawn, it does not come, overcast forever, you've given up on hugs and writing love on her arms, it's time for despair and self-mutilation; neck extenders and circumcision kits, 9.99 at the corner market, when their was one...
dust flies like pollen across the congested interstate, filled with motionless cars like antiques in a shop, waiting for a hurricane or tsunami to sweep them away, so they can re-populate reefs, and a survivor's imagination...
raven stained glossy wings stretched out over what’s left of Mannahatta, a bronzed woman with an unlit torch, lies half clothed in Hudson Bay, inhabitants hope for a sign, all they see is their last chance at liberty, fading away...
a man with ash in his beard and the sun in his eyes, stops for some wine outside the all boys club down the street, depositing buffalo nickels in an old tin cup filled with maggots, he proceeds to write his death poem with graffiti and charcoal; "after all calamity, I'm mostly saddened, by the absence of lilacs..."
how did this happen becomes a cliché, as fathers and sons fight apathy in the everlasting dusk, grey snow falls heavily, blanketing old buildings in tiny flecks of silver, poisonous diamonds contain an inner star; that slowly goes dim like the closing of a door, in a darkening room…
Author notes
Give Up
A M E R G I N
A contest entry
- Inspire Me by JM Kenyon.
700 points, ended June 24, 39 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Serious Poetry by pineapple-eyes.
800 points, ended August 30, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - enter your best poem, prewrites allowed :) by sillysmile.
400 points, ended November 8, 139 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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strong imagery
Almost as if I'm there.
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Mmmm, this is beautifully written. Each stanza has something special and unique about it, people need to read and then re-read this poem to get the full effect and deeper meaning of it.
p.s. I love the line "after all calamity, I'm mostly saddened, by the absence of lilacs..."
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Oh my, you know how to write in the genre of dark with a certain finesse. The reference to neck extenders and circumcision kits being previously readily available was breathtaking and perhaps makes this a piece that should be in the category of Adult. Perhaps here and there a comma or two could be edited to add to the natural flow as in second paragraph after reefs , maybe omit that comma? Overall a great piece of prose with a style and voice all of its own, river bed deep with undercurrants that pull the reader along into the stream of sadness, well done indeed,
Bravo.
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Large and small devastating images pierce the reader as she reads this piece. I like the specific-ness of the images you present.
P3-Manhatta = Manhattan?
Congrats on the gold! Powerful prose.
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Thanks for reading and commenting! Seriously, I love when people take time out of their days to not only read my work, but to comment on it. Means a great deal.
P.S. Manhatta is an old way of spelling Manhattan, Whitman used it in his poetry a lot.
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This is splendid and very unexpected... both mystical and a bit sci-fi. It is "the absence of lilacs" that give a brief color, and that simply enhances the over-all gray tone. Beautifully done, and worthy of the metal!
Lita
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Points earned.
On a combined scale of 1-20 we have rated this poem a 12.5 -
its good, very dark take on the end of the world, nice detail. I too, would like to see it more fully delevoped. I also you should seperate the lines a bit, maybe adding a bit more to them to make them flow better(as vida said below sorry lol)
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Interesting take on what seems to be the ending of earth. Its very staggered though. Perhaps adding a bit more and tying all of these stanzas together would make it flow more evenly. Some very good thoughts are in here. I cant wait to see it more fully developed!
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i loved this! and the tittle is amaazing i wood have never thot of that! this whole poem was just.... WOW!
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