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The Journal

Inside these pages there are no borders to enslave me until  I write of them.

I can create at the speed of my minds impulses.

I can crumple kingdoms with the crush of a wadded page.

In this Journal the moon is kissing my eyelids.

This Journal can take a tricky turn and become a mirror for the faceless man who is looking.

I'll let him see my dark unknown nameless that hides in each of us.

The Journal is black and white bland void of life until I pick up the pen with the vigor of a new born warrior poised to strike.

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • MoonLady gold member
    June 2

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    A Skillful Write!

    I like this poem for its forceful action statements and strong imagery, which brings the journal-writing process to life for the reader and puts you, the poet, firmly in charge of your journal, acknowledging its power. You use alliteration to good effect throughout the poem. I particularly like the lines:

    I can crumple kingdoms with the crush of a wadded page,
    In this Journal the moon is kissing my eyelids.

    As for constructive criticism, you might consider altering some of the lines so that thoughts and phrases appear more coherently on the page, i.e. where do you want your lines to break and why? What visual shape results from the way the lines are arranged?

    I also noticed some punctuation that needs to be fixed when you do your revision. When you take the time to double-check the tiny details, it adds credibility to your work and shows that you really care about what you're putting out there for others to see. A beautiful write. Well done! I've added you as a Favorite.




  • greyhaime
    June 1

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    welcome to allpoetry

    oh yes the journal... I have quiet a few of them myself, I love that opening line that you used in this, well done and expressive, thanks for sharing this with us here and for joining, the site, keep up the writing!
    cheers



  • Kendal Palmer gold member
    June 1
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    writing is such cathartic work...for some it is the only place they are able to express themselves with the truth that they deserve. I think you captured the essence of all this nicely within the words of this poem. thank you for sharing. keep up the great work. peace and light always in ALL ways, kp