Down the cherry cotton path and up the mossy lane,
stands a pretty little castle made of rush and brittle cane.
Beside the lake of mirrors, his highness proudly stands,
serene and clean, unseen in green, whilst staring at webbed hands.
One silver eve when stars were shining upon the peaceful lake,
a fair young maiden adorned with jewels, still up and wide awake.
She walked with glassy eyes that gave light to all her dreams
and in her hands she cupped a sphere of gold with glittered seams.
She smiled to the moon, who returned her gaze and gave a cheeky wink
when suddenly she tripped. It rolled away before the girl could think,
as it fell into the lake with one almighty SPLASH!
and dipped below the grime and slime with a last adoring flash.
The princess it was known, that she was duty bound
and without a tear she made a stand upon the earthy ground
but when she could not find her sphere of gold she searched the skies
and asked the moon 'Where has it gone?' with teardrops in her eyes.
The handsome frog could hear her fragile heart was weeping
and asked the pretty princess why she was keeping him from sleeping
she wiped her eyes and told the tale, of the golden sphere she had,
then how she tripped and how it slipped, which was why she felt so sad.
The brave young frog saw sympathy and offered everything
in place of the golden ball but she didnt want a thing.
The frog bagan to scratch his head until at last he said
'If I can fetch your golden ball, will you grant me one wish instead?'
The princess dried her tears and smiled and happily agreed
and promised everything he asked if the frog was to succeed.
The frog jumped up in dance and sang a cheerful little song
and dove below the mirrored lake she called out 'Don't be long!'
The tired frog for hours he searched with fearless beady eyes
and finally found half burried, the spheres glinting guise.
He dug and hauled the golden ball from it's peaceful sandy bed,
in hope that the maiden's promise, will turn his green cheeks red.
The dawn was fast approaching but with little time to spare
he found the pretty princess with braided chestnut hair.
He cleared his throat and bowed his head, 'Sweet Princess here I am!
you promised me one wish, so pucker up Madame!'
She plucked her golden ball, from his little grubby hand
and ran into her castle, 'Be gone!' was her command
'but Princess! You did promise, that you would kiss my lips,
if I could find your ball because your clumsy shoe lace trips.
Her Father heard the squabble and he joined in with delight
and scorned his only child shouting. 'You must still do what is right!
You gave your word and so you shall fulfill this frog's desires,
otherwise the court will hear and call our family liars.'
The princess didn't want a kiss but in the end she did
in hope the little toad would Go, Be Gone! God Bless, Good Rid...
but shock set in as she then kissed, his slimy green cheeks red,
she realised she had kissed a charming prince instead.
She pleaded many sorries and asked if they could wed
but the charming prince just turned her down and this was what he said...
'You were so cruel to me becasue I wasn't what I seemed
but that's okay, cause I confess! You're nothing like I'd dreamed.'
Author notes
Name: Fire Opal Sinclaire
AP Name: SeaWithYourHeart
Age: 19
Sex: Female
Favourite genre: Fantasy
Favourite form: Rhyming Quatrains
Reasons I wish to succeed in this challenge:
I am questioning my Talent (if I ever had it) and I desperately need to commit to poetry and the challenges that are set to reprive, achieve and believe that I am not wasting my time.
REQUEST: If I do not place for the next round on skill or talent would you let me tag along in each challenge for the fun instead please.
A contest entry
- The Ultimate La-La Challenge "Auditions" by Laura Lamarca.
850 points, ended August 13, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Good ending
..excellent beginning, and mostly fine in between, tho here and there, I felt, you let the metre slip in your anxiety to get on. Well done
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I love this! :-)
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Outside of a few small edits, (that Laura has already covered,) I felt that this was a charming, yet timeless tale, told in a rhythmic and sweet fashion, with a lovely twist to it at the end. I wish you the best of luck in this challenge.
~Hettie
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thankyou for your comment. I did all the edits Laura suggested and to me it looks fine now.
There have been problems with my computer where sometimes i edit they remain unchanged so please let me know if Laura's edit suggestions have been done. becasue I did do them and it shows on my computer that I have but if you can still see them then we have a problem
thanks
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L4 "serene"
L19 "wiped" is repeated, check that
L23 "began"
L24 "grant"
L39 "princess"
L40 "because"
L52 "that's okay 'cause I confess, you're"
there are a few typos in this that require an edit, but apart from that, this is whimsical and when read out loud, more-or-less holds its own rhythm. There are one or two places where the lines came up short, to miss the natural rhythm of this, but because of the poetic device and inner rhymes you've used, those places are hardly noticeable.
Thank you for entering this audition round, i wish you luck!
Laura.
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I smiled all the way through this poem. It was so cute and nice to show nothing is perfect after all Good write.
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Aw i love it, that was really cute. Good job
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Wow, this is SO good! Very original take on a fairytale, the first line just drew the reader in & the rhyming is flawless, just breathtaking. Amazing work, this is real poetry. Keep writing
x
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Nicely done
I love it. A fresh perspective for a classic fairytale. I did see a few spelling errors: Princes= Princess; Got rid = Good rid; Ok = Okay; and Cuz = Cause.
Other wise I love the whole concept. Good job.
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Very nice! I look forward to seeing more from you
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I really like it rhyming - I love the story anyway because its so different to all the other fairy tales about gorgeous princesses meeting gorgeous princes etc etc, and this one reveals her for how shallow they probably all would be in reality. This reminds me of this Roald Dahl collection I had where he had rewritten stories like Little Red Riding Hood in a way so that they rhymed and were humourous for a child. I really enjoyed reading this and think you pull of this spin on a classic just as well as he did. Well done!
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The Princess and the Frog is a great story....really enjoyed it! Thank yo
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Love this site! Thank you for allowing me to read & share with you all
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That's funny! Loved it! ;o)
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A charmer of a write!
She wanted to marry him just based on his looks? Just because a fellow has a nice hair cut doesn't mean his is a nice guy. Oh, i know: it's just a fairy tale. I like to listen to those running for political office. They tell some whoopers. But as to your poem: I give it a A+. Thanks for the entertaining write.
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nice
the putting of the whole story was very well done.
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In the old days when i was young there was something on tv called Fractured Fairy Tales. I think your fractured fairy tale is delightful, and I love your last line. Some of your descriptions are the sort of things that stay with you" Kissed his green cheeks red". is one of them. A castle made of "rush and brittle cane". Unusual construction for a castle, but perfectly acceptable in fairy tale land. "The handsome frog" . I have a friend who breeds poison dart frogs, and belongs to herpetological societies, and i myself can understand her slight bit of reluctance: in fairy tale land, are the frogs poisonous to kiss? lol. he is rather abrupt with his request, you must admit. But what if, lol, this frog had gone to a school for romance? Would he have been a better, more cultured and more elegant frog? Would he have gained more human toadies who'd insist that the princess mend her ways, and honor her promises? Would she truly forgive the frog for his nasty impolite remark about her clumsiness? Would counseling have helped save this relationship?
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Wow I am glad that I read this. I kept seeing it and was wondering what it was about so I finally read it. I really love this poem. I love the ending though. It was a twist. I love fairy tells poem in a way. Wonderful job on this fine piece of writing!
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You have taken on a very big tale to tell here and you have succeeded in telling very well.
A very tricky write to stay the course of meter and rhyme also but again you have managed this quite consistently. I'll IM you a few typos I spotted along the way.
Well done on a what is quite an audacious write.
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amazing write
the rhyme and flow were perfect and the mortal still true you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your prince charming true
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Wow! Brilliant! You have given colors and fragrance to the story of "The Princess and the Frog". Very well-executed!! I am so delighted to read this now as a beautifully crafted poem...
Thanks for sharing. Way to g
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awww, i cant wait to read this!! =D
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