Dear Gina,

            Dear abandoner  Girl,
             

I don't know where we started, I just remember the paramedics asking me to back up and leave your traffic light eyes untouched, so they could cure you.

It wasn't fair though, because they didn't.

      Love,

    Kea
                    I.I


                  Dear almost bluffing but this time not, girl,

My memories have been pronounced simply a side affect of sleeping pills, and when my eyes are blurred by sky tears because I'm the only one that can see you sitting on the mailbox, the adults shake their heads and smile knowingly, just like they did when I told them you were running away and you were going to row across the lake.

They laughed at me even while lightening peaked across the twister sky, and I told them I hadn't seen you since lunchtime. If they know so much better than me where you are now, how come I knew where they would find you, where your ankles had run to?
              Love,
  Crying I told you so's sister girl



                  I.II
            Dear frozen in lemonade years, girl,

I have seven year old freckles, though my eyes feel more light eight years sometimes, and when I'm sitting on the dock waiting for you to show up, I feel sixteen . Mom took me to an optical doctor to check my irises, and Dad thinks I'm crazy and that  I lie all the time.

But all the false alarms your gums used to burn every November as if it was April, were all yours because I was too afraid to share the glory. If I'm so sneaky, how come they never caught you?
               
                  Love,
        Season changing eight year old girl





                    I.III

          Dear Pirate Girl,

      We were five and dressed like ballerinas and you stole some kid's pirates sword and eye patch so we could blend in with the boys and play hide and seek. All  I ever had to do was close my eyes and I could find you so we always hid together, and you asked me "What about in the pool and holding our breath, whaddya think?"

Since then you've said that at the end of every phrase uttered from your jaw ever since, and that's always how you want to hide. Last night you sang me lullabies after triggering the nightmares of why you were the only one in the canoe that evening.
"Keana,let's go swimming, let's see if we can find the snake, whaddya think? Whaddya think?"

            Love,
Ballet girl, who doesn't know how to be a superhero


                    I.IV





        Dear real as fairytale girl,

Your fingertips shine like fairytales that couldn't be true, orbiting imaginary galaxies because Mommy said "After you stop breathing, you don't come back."

      She lied though, you stole my sneakers yesterday and went to dance on the dock under nothing skies.  You haven't emptied your pockets of nerds candies, so can you guess how I knew it was you?
         
                Love,
            Girl without rythmn or lyrical words




                      I.V
                Dear Twin Kites girl,

  Stardust flies into your eyelashes and freedom singes your elbows like skinned knees, and this morning while Mommy walked me to school I waved at you but I think you were looking the other way.

        You told me once you remember Mommy saying when we were born, that sisterhood is a beautiful thing and you made me pinky swear that its forever.
I think when beautiful things are finished, then they are like butterflies pinned by
cerebal wings, because once the demolition starts no chemicals can stop it.
"Whaddya think?"
                  Love,
            Singular rocket girl




                    I.VI
            Dear Season child,


    We called ourselves N girls because Gina and Keana had an N one letter after each other, just like how you were one minute older. Cobblestone pillars marking the driveway just have heels gripping the rocks, with glitter arms not trying to balance.
I whisper to you, 'no, no, no' but you shake your head at me and close your eyes as if you could fly. I can feel my lungs contract as you hold your breath real tight, like you're really good at but I won't let you so I cry and go get Daddy. "She's gonna fall, look!"

Grey hair just looks at me weirdly, and I look weirdly back because last week his hair was blonde, and today maybe he should go see an optical doctor since he can't even see you. I spread my fingertips out to see if I can cup you in my palms, but your wavelengths are absent. Though its a lie because I don't anymore, and my cheeks are soaked, I ask one more time  " She's not bluffing, she's really going to jump.. go catch her.. Don't you see her dad..don't you?

                Love,
      "No" "Never" "Nothing" Girl





                        I.VII

        Dear Angel girl,

    Rusted swings move by themselves is what third graders sneered at me today, and I nodded my  head and had to explain to them again, I know that.. but my sister's sitting there, so don't sit there and when I started crying and hit him, I had to go to the principal.  You were giggling and secret calling "Come swing with me, I bet you three cookies, I can fly higher, because I really can fly now"

      They told me to wait for my parents but I pretended to be you in my head, and said I was going to the bathroom when really I was going home. You keep echoing "emergency, emergency, I need your help" so my ankles are trying to fly now, I'm coming coming.  "But where are you, Gina, where'd my sister go?"

      Love,
Fallen Girl



                          I.VIII

Dear axphxia girl,

  You're floating in the middle of the lake crosslegged, and everything's trying to get you.  The thunder is reaching elastic ribs for you  but you tipped over and held your breath, waiting, because I'm the one that runs.  I'm  sitting on the dock and closing my eyes and listening to you talk just as you always listen to me and pet my hair.
You didn't look down till it was right beneath you, I know you were lying when you said the only reason you wanted to go swimming was for the snake, because  no one always sees it, and you're obsessed with paddling to the moon.

    You let out your air, the first step in asphyxiation and you hoped that it would swim above you and away- and serpentine curves grew limp as thunder caught something. Copper mouth fangs ignited your hipbones just as purple lightening showed you a clean path to the comets, and now you're crying and holding onto slippery tales and electrical maps. You are beginning to fade, and I'm asking God to take me to an eye doctor so I can see you again, but everyone loves you more and right now you're saying good bye. "Bye N girl, I think I"m a  December girl and you're a January girl, and I only know how to be an ending. Whaddya think?"


I think January means hope and holding on but there's nothing to hold on to without December which means  phantom lungs that have forgotten how to breathe from holding breath for too long, and I think I need you.
      One day I'll come find you, December, when I grow into summer I'll come looking for you, because the water's too cold for me right now,and I'm still afraid.

        Love,
      January Girl
          Your sister,
                Keana