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a little bit of sun

sweet nectar of sunshine
laughing in the sky
the chilled ice cream on my tongue
while the book triggers my mind

it's been a good day of sunlight
- please stay with me tonight -

[I will keep it in my pocket
and bring it out when times aren't right]


I can take critic! Give it to me! What do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Rick Weston silver member
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    nicely done. the reflection on the passing day along with the wish to pocket the a bit of it for another time works very well.

    good writing.


  • baawri
    June 6
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    Sunshine is really so precious. And the mention in the poem of requesting sunlight to stay overnight is so unique and beautiful. Again the bracketed meaning is important as well, or the poem misses a little and leaves with a question what shall be done of sunlight. It also adds up a metaphorical meaning that sunlight denotes hope that can be used in downtimes. Great work done.