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the other side of me

A drunk father taught me
Lessons of anger and hatred
L careless mother taught me
Nothing but more hatred to myself

The other side of me
Do you wana see?
I smile for a while
Then my face darken deep
My eyes blacken

I live through tears that flow
Within stanzas in poetry
The lines and structures i hide within

i am a laughter
a ball for beasts of the dark
i screems for them that walks me
to take my neck and have a bite
just to transform

they are afraid of me too 
a drug  like  dope
flow throught my vein
poisoned my blood
the worse of all curse

thoughts on my head
no one ever know
only the dead might,
coz they can see the other side
but i dough it.

the other side of me.
do you wana know?








A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Misskaoz
    October 10
    Edit | Reply
    Enjoyed the read. Keep on writing. Not sure if you meant the misspellings or not, just thought I would mention in case you didn't notice.


  • Swan song gold member
    September 1
    Edit | Reply
    good poem well writen and deeply personal


  • georgie
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    wow!!! a really intense piece with heaps of dark passion. this is great! not to mention great for you getting everything out of ur head. i know id go outta my mind without being to write my innermost thoughts sometimes and this piece shows that part of you so well
    hugs,
    georgie,
    xxx


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 22
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely first stanza.

    Just the L kinda buggged mee heaps!

    Well done on a nice write


  • forbidden-colour
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    I did find the slang hard to cope with at the end as you had done such a good job!

    "wana"
    Should be "want to"



    Thank you for entering!
    Sophie!


  • l o v e b u r s t
    July 7

    Edit | Reply

    Judges View

    parents really do make a difference on a person.
    really liked the first stanza.

    thanks for entering my contest


  • blackfang4318 gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    nice and wow i love the
    opening of the poem i never knew my
    father but your sound not good i hope that this
    didnt happen for real
    but if it has i hope he tought you more
    than just that
    but i love your poem and good keep going with it


  • Night Terrors
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    Okay before I comment I see an error you are making repeatedly. "I" is a proper noun meaning it needs to be capitalized when used as word. Think of it as a substitute for your name. You would capitalize your name right? You would make this look and honestly make your reader think you are more intelligent if you follow good grammatical rules. It makes people take you seriously

    Okay rant over now sorry that is just a biggy with me. On with the comment....

    erm L carless? What is the L for? okay wow there are so many errors in this you need to spell check and do some major editing. I mean come on you spell screams wrong! One of the rules was good grammar and spelling and I can understand some small errors, but really this goes to far.....


  • Bella Cullen
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    a few miss spellings..need to be edited, but other than that i thought it a lovely poem. good luck in my contest.


  • carrot
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    There are some grammar mistakes, and there are a few places that could benefit from revision,but the overall message in the poem is very interesting. It was a relatively enjoyable poem (not in terms of happy content, just in terms of being fairly good).


  • Miss Macabre
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    There are mistakes, could use some revision. It's a dark poem though, I like the abuse in it. Good luck.


  • Ami
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write and you really deserved that gold trophy
    I think you will be getting alot more gold on this one
    Again great write and thanks for the comment on my
    -♥Amy♥


  • PhoenixFaith
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...That was really good. I like the closing two lines. Powerful and well written.

    Best of luck and thanks for entering
    Kate


  • etoile
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    'screem' --> scream
    I really like the opening stanza, it's very powerful. amazing write

    goodluck and thanks for entering


  • Heva Feva
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    So sad. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
    -heva


  • loche
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write, sounds like people should stay away from your otherside. lol


  • so-fear
    June 2
    Edit | Reply
    totally relatable... great poem


  • Sweet-Pea7
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    wow. just wow. i'm awestruck. this is totally gripping. it made me wanna cry in just the first few stanzas. amazing job and good luck on the contest.


  • Antipodi
    May 31
    Edit | Reply
    Wow so stark and in yah face the terrible price our children pay for selfish acts of drunkeness and drugtaking a real message poem dear poet lots of angst but then it is so sad ...excellent and I do hope some of these uncaring parents read and head this wonderful write ...you should enter this in a comp ...its a winner


  • MasterFoxFang
    May 31

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    nice poem man the words flow very well i love the message you send out in it it's very well written my favorite part



    i am a laughter
    a ball for beasts of the dark
    i screem for them that walks me
    to take my neck and have a bite
    just to transform

    they are afraid of me too
    a drug likes dope
    flow throught my vein
    poison my blood
    the worse of a curse


    awesome poem my friend it's it very good lol i love it all

    but that still my fav part

1 - 22 of 22