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paper airplanes

you are undone
a folded plane, it's paper crashing through my window
it's all too fast time flies again
to fate we all surrender

it's all pretend
each life, each end
never knowing for one second

reach out and chase
all those thoughts that race

take another breath, and catch it


In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • kay772
    September 27

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    this is good. I think when i read stuff i read to much in between the lines though haha. i see everything as a metaphor sometimes when i read poetry. but i like this it makes me feel like a little kid in class throwing paper airplanes again haha.

  • ozma
    June 21
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    nice

    love the the first line


  • DajaVoue56
    June 19

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    This is a GREAT poem! It flows so beautifully and has such powerful language-yet it's so delicate sounding. Paper airplanes crashing through windows--an amazing use of a metaphor...I absolutely love every bit of it!

    peace
    ~Rebecca Lynn


  • myriad-dark
    June 14

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    excellent...

    I love the dream-like quality of this write... very lyrical & appeals much to this muso... top shelf stuff! m-d


  • JinSays gold member
    June 14
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    oh, I love this.. . .love it love it love it.
    Thank you.
    Love,
    jin


  • kirbysman Moderators member
    May 31

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    Wow!!!

    This is a little different for you. Paper airplanes crashing through windows. Either the plane is very substantial or the window is very fragile. Either way, it's unsettling in our life to have something like that happen. And, fate (life) has a way of giving us what it wants it seems sometimes too. Not sure about the pretending but it's true that we often don't know from second to second - you being a good example of that.

    But, the chase is worth it and the catching that sometimes happens is great. For instance, grampa is very happy he caught this grandaughter.

    Good job and good luck in the contest!


    Grampa Paul


  • Emile
    May 31

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    The story line flows smoothly and sets the pace for this poem. The theme is maintained throughout the poem and the imagery is good. The reader can relate to the message sent. Nice flow of words and a pleasant sounding poem. All in all a good read.

  • Mercury Rising
    May 31
    Edit | Reply
    A great take on the prompt, and a wonderful poem. Best of luck in the contest.

1 - 8 of 8