Alone

One day I sat on the park bench,
All by myself.

My friends came over and asked,
What's wrong?

I don't even remember what was,
I just remember being cold.

I told them to go away, leave me,
They did, albeit grudginly.

I think that was the first time I pushed someone away.

I can still feel the fall air,
Of that first moment alone.

Thoughts and regrets swirling,
In my head and heart.

To this day, I wish I could remember,
Why I wanted to be alone.

Why did I push them away?
I don't even regret it....

I think that was the first time I ever felt confused.

The first time I retreated,
Into a world of my creation.

That wasn't then,
That was just when it became real.

I believed in hope and happiness,
For a split second.

Sitting there alone,
I cried, but didn't know why.

I think that was the first time I ever cried grown-up tears.

Back then, I was still a child,
Just wanting to find my neverland.

Or wanting to grow up,
I always wanted to grow up?

Maybe that was the first day,
I let go of my fantasies.

Or else maybe that was the day,
I decided I'd never let them go.

I think that was the first time I ever lost faith.

It's amazing what you see looking back...
A child with a dream,
Or a shattered dream?
Confused?
Insane?
I didn't know then,
I still don't know now.

I just want magic...