"what are you doing tonight?"
well, what i do every saturday night,
getting drunk while reading a novel.
"may i watch?"
i guess, if your not too grovel.
A contest entry
- Easy win contest. I'm simple. by happy kitty kat.
700 points, ended July 4, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
constructive critisim... somethings missing. it was more my thoughts and this write fit it.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Interesting snippet here. I like poems that offer a small picture into a time or place where the reader may not have been, and this conversation is an interesting one.
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thank you for the comment.
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well as long as he was handsome i guess its ok, lol.
grovel is a new word i havent heard. so brownie points for that
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thanks
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uh-oh I love this one lol
makes me feel giddy
I always tend to feel awkward too
love how you rhymed this one
novel and grovel, unusual and very effective
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Thank you. -happy to make you.lol Giddy.
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The rest of the poem
Yes, it is very awkward as the title clearly states. You're asking what's missing? The rest of the poem. You have about 10% of it here. You could try filling the other 90% with some picturesque narrative, so that we understand the characters better. -
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lmao, your pretty blunt. ive decided i like it the way it is... thnks anyways i guess
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hahaha thats cute! i rememeber sketching someone at the park and thi girl was over my shoulder te whole time -_- it was cute.. but yeah! this was nice!
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lol. thanks. ahhh. the beauty of the park :-)
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Lol I liked this poem! So short and just "whatever" haha
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haha, thanks: )
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Lol. Awkward moments are the most uncomfortable ones, I swear! This was quite funny, and kind of random. I can't really criticize this piece because it is very short and to the point... maybe you were trying to achieve a different concept?
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lol. they are they are. thanks for noticing i don't usually write short pieces.
cant get everything out in time: )
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haha i love this! at least the guy was handsom...the guy we picked up was pretty cute haha.
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haha, i told you we were simmilar...picking up stray guys
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haha oh well at least it makes a good story
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lol so true
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ha! this was too sweet.
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lol. thnks
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haha!!! I thought this was great...it reminded me of something Bukowski would write. The form in this is amazing!!!
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haha, well thanks... he seems to be a great writer thanks for introducing me to him: )
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