we never really stopped spinning and i'll tell you in lilting tones about how done i am.
we're contained in erratic blue eyes and kissing you in the dark, where your irises reflected black and your lips were stained with the silver-porcelain slash of the moon. i couldn't stand this view from a carousel where everything was blurry and dulled by your omnipresent insomniac ways.
you're a freak, and i feel the blunders in your shoulder-blades and rib cage and the way you smile and don't feel.
masochist sour-stomached torture of your own form made me twist
like fornication in the back of the bus.
Author notes
prompt---carousel
A contest entry
- Freedom Rounds by Writing0Freedom.
400 points, ended June 22, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
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Comments
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awesome take on the carousel prompt. i adored this line:
you're a freak, and i feel the blunders in your shoulder-blades and rib cage and the way you smile and don't feel.
the use of the word blunders and shoulder blades rock. and i love how "the way you smile and don't feel" contradict each other, because smiling is usually associated with feeling happy.
so, summing it up: awesome.
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you did a stellar job with the prompt and it deserves a medal for sure :]
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title 3/5
relation to prompt 8/8
spelling\grammar 5/5
personal oppinion 11/20
rythmn 7 /12
imagery 14/20
emotion 7/10
Diction 9/10
Originality 10/10
75/150
Finalist for sure! Thanks so much for entering, I know who you are cause your write showed up on my favorites.
writingfree
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you're a freak, and i feel the blunders in your shoulder-blades and rib cage and the way you smile and don't feel.
-my favourite bit.
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