Fifteenth Century Perspective

When I hear the kids complaining
And they whisper woe-is-me,
Cause it’s cold outside and raining
And there's nothing on T.V.
Then I hear them raising rackets
And reminding me with rants,
How they only have twelve jackets
And three dozen pairs of pants;
When I watch the way they’re whining
And I mark the way they moan,
While they’re on the couch reclining
And chit-chatting on the phone;
And I see them feeling sorry,
Though they live in luxury-
I remind them of the story
Of the Fifteenth Century.

How they didn’t have the motors
That allow for power showers,
So the girls had body odors
That they had to hide with flowers;
Since they stunk like funky storage
In a musky room with mold,
And their armpits smelled like porridge
In a pot that’s nine days old;
How each Pre-Elizabethan
Lived in very trying times,
When the brass would bust your teeth in
For committing petty crimes;
How the lowly folk were lucky
If they had a pot to pee-
And the food all tasted yucky
In the Fifteenth Century.

I remind them how the peasants
Looked unhappy from their lack,
And their kids received no presents
Like a laptop Apple Mac;
How they had to heave huge shovels
Full of black dirt by the batch,
Just to pack the floors of hovels
That had wretched roofs of thatch;
Where there was no wood protection,
So that droppings from a louse,
And big bugs that brought infection
Often fell down in the house;
And when storm clouds started weeping,
Cats and dogs rained down you see-
For they slipped from roofs while sleeping
In the Fifteenth Century.

I remind them how the daughters
And the women had to wait,
While the men-folk soaked in waters
That were in a stagnant state;
How they had to bath where scabies
Floated on the slimy brine,
And were followed by the babies,
Who were always last in line;
Then I tell them to be grateful
For their closets full of clothes,
For their playthings and each plateful
They are served, for heaven knows,
Every day they should be giving
Thanks to God and Mom and me-
For they’re lucky they’re not living
In the Fifteenth Century.