Lights are fulgent through these city tears,
emotions from years of pain and holding on
Thoughts of yesterday, taking me in your arms
holding me as if nothing came between you and I,
but the tenderness of a strangers touch
~gone
My senses tell me you are cold, calloused
as if you have never held me before
The smell of her drifts like a cloud of smoke
from your hair, I taste her sweet gloss
~still coating your lips
Where are all the words that spill from your
beautiful mind, have you none to give?
I need comfort, I need to be held, I need love
You sit staring off into the night
~deep in thoughts of her
Screams would not penetrate such secrets
I have seen those eyes cry before,
crying for me to be the one to wipe that tiny
~drop from the tip of your nose
Once pressing yourself hard against me
needing to be cradled like an infant,
and I want to do that now only
~she has met your needs more than I
I can not blame you, the comfort you feel from
the soft touch of a woman, I know it well
~Something in the way she moves
Author notes
Author Name....Allexis Reed
I wanted to take this prompt in a different direction. It is so easy to write about the basic girl/guy hurt from betrayal, but this time betrayed for something unexpected. At first glance, the poem looks as if it were the girl crying that is narrating the beginning, when it is her lovers thoughts. Someone behind the picture. Hope you like it.
Prompt is tears
http://lonelypierot.deviantart.com/art/city-tears-73516396
picture credit
A contest entry
- Freedom Rounds by Writing0Freedom.
400 points, ended June 22, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Your Thoughts?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I like your form, the story and the surprise ending. Very well done.
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this ending was a surprise. Reminds me of "women know what women need." sometimes we just want to be held and have someone who understands and listens. Men always want to give advice.
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WritingOfreeom must be practicing for her teachering degree ... I've never seen anyone break art down into points unless it was for a class assignment
I thought this was wonderfully done and with a unique perspective, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Which is all that's important from the reader's point of view 
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Thank you very much.
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title 3/5
relation to prompt 8/8
spelling\grammar 5/5
personal oppinion 14/20
rythmn 8/12
imagery 11 /20
emotion 7/10
Diction 8 /10
Originality 7/10
71/100
It was confusing but I liked it. I liked your imagery and the way you used emotional words to create a picture. It was well written. Finalist.
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I'm glad you like it.
I guess it could be a bit confusing. The idea was to be more of a surprise ending to the story. Instead of it being about the girl in the picture, it was about her male lover that was heartbroke over the betrayal. She cheated on him with another woman, but he couldn't get mad because he understood how a woman's touch would feel good to anyone.
It was just an idea. I tried to be different. Hope it worked!
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Put your author's name in your AN
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Sorry! I was still editing when you sent this comment. I think I have everything in place now
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