I heard the demure deeming of a loon's cry
coming low across the surface of a forest pond
tentative beginning of a wake up call
there I could see the sandy bottom in the shallows,
the sallow windings on the edge of shadows
their etchings of first light
and still, I had no answer
for winter's frigid brush
and why I would leave before autumn's crisping,
or why time is clutched so tightly in my grip
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I love it ;-)
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Time... elusive at times...
this is a beautiful write, I enjoyed it...
My favorite lines:
'and still, I had no answer
for winter's frigid brush'
Keep on penning with ink that never fades
illusion
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well done
Flows well. Good imagery that makes for a wistful mood.
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Oh, oh. Just wonderful. Wisdom in a scoop.
An awesome brush with the authorities in 3 worlds.
Warmly...me
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Loved this- excellent imagery and the last line is fantastic. Thank you very much for enteirng.
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yes. now it is perfect.
i visited this piece earlier when you first posted - actually i have been to it several times - i wanted to see if you would eventually take out the last stanza. i am glad you did, although it is insightful, the title coupled with the other three stanzas convey your message.
this is beautiful. takes my breath each time...
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I love this. You paint such a lovely, peaceful scene and then spatter it with melancholy musings. I could make my home in the forest and know contentment, that is until I would pine for something else. Possibly a beach. Perhaps it is man's propensity for discontent that is the source of angst, the "this" that need be "worked out".
Spelling suggestions: [beginning] line 6
[and] third to last line
cheers
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I have attended to those squirrely mispellings, and that is what you have friends for. However, I took out the part that you said you like; because I realize that I was telling you how to feel about me. Basically, I just got tired and lost confidence in what I was trying to do. I have had time to live on this, a bit, and I thought my poem too nice to ruin. You influenced this, I hope you don't mind.
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Thanks
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