Then and Now

Then:

Smile, pretend its all ok,
leave home cover up the bruises
hope that knowone will see them, or;
the scars on my rist,
It would only give them more to torcher me for

Smile, pretend its all ok,
while I die inside a little more each day
soon will I be the living dead?
trying to cover up my feelings, dont want them to show
cos then id look weak

All I want is to fit in, to be normal
I've tried everything, so whats wrong with me?
Am I that ugly that my own family turn against me?
Is what I'm told really true,
that I'm stupid, ugly, a freek, and generally hated?

Suicidal thoughts echo through me
already half dead with pain, would it be better?
I mean, theyed get there wish!
there would be no more me, no more Susan
I'd be fine with that!

{Something held me to this world
I dont know what, and I dont know how
But I made it through the rough times
hoping for a brighter day, it came,
16 long years I clung on, fighting battles near impossible
I won, I won, And there is an aura from within me
shining through, waiting to be unleashed}

Now:

My head, my heart, my soul,
are still in pain, in shock, trying to recover
But the pain has calmed, stoped attacking,
giving me time to heal

Where before, there was knowone here
by my side supporting me,
Now I have my secound family
those friends that I have found,
the ones who I would lay down my life for

And now I'm ready to take this world head on,
with my head held high and my dignity in tact
Becuase I have been to hell and back

And now Im free