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You're hurting me

S.o.m.e.t.i.m.e.s. i WONDER

                              if I should [[just let go]]

{OH!}

just too -->DEEP<-- in your eyes to k.n.o.w

  d.
    r..
      o...
      w....
        n....
          i......
            n.......
              g........doesn't hurt

i l:e:a:r:n:e;d the ==BREATHS== are EASIER to tAkE

          When i'm ~F~I~L~L~E~D~  up  with-->you

I only stayed with you until -[midNIGHT]-

>>two..the..night..before<<

                          And i
                      stay+with
                    you when i'm
          .......H.U.R.T.I.N.G.......
  and i keep hurting [more] and [more]

My
    Lungs
              Are
                      Ready
                                To
                                    Burst


...............                i
                                  can't
...............                breathe
                                  in
...............                i
                                  can
...............                only
                                  fall
...............                down

Author notes

I've never tried dirty/pretty quite the way people do on here, I've done it on MS word and its totally different from how it is on here, wilder, but this is my first time doing it like this so tell me what you think...this poem wasn't intended to be like this but I don't thikn its half bad

-andi

A contest entry

GOT comments??

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • beautiful.obsession
    June 26
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    this was just awesome! i loved how you set this up. great job!


  • Heva Feva
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the style and the story line is really interesting.


    i l:e:a:r:n:e;d the ==BREATHS== are EASIER to tAkE

    When i'm ~F~I~L~L~E~D~ up with-->you


    That is my favourite part. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
    -heva


  • Muirghiel
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    Oh goodness, the format I find was very distracting. It took away from what was a very poignant piece. I wish you would go in more to the feeling and leave all the..."pretty" to myspace titles and public forums. It doesn't do you justice.


  • Shelby K
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    this was a fantastic poem. i really liked how you wrote it. the way you wrote drowning made the letters look like they really were sinking in water and drowning. very nice write. keep up the great work.


    • Andiness
      June 17
      Edit | Reply
      Th at was the idea, I like to draw alot so I try to draw something with the letters

  • Writer-for-losers
    June 6
    Edit | Reply
    I think its good (but whats my opinon worth?)

    • Andiness
      June 17
      Edit | Reply
      You're opinion is ALWAYS worth something! Everyone's opinion is! You don't have to have a gold membership to be worth something!

      -Andi

  • DarkOneShadow
    June 3

    Edit | Reply

    This is good as well

    I like the form that you used... it's shows your expressions distinctly. Keep up the good work.

    DarkOneShadow


  • thedarkking
    May 29
    Edit | Reply
    awsome

1 - 10 of 10