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Heart of Ice (so predictable)

i.
the canvas before me should be blank. however i believe it is stained with memories of you. no matter how i try to paint over my past, it will remain tainted with the haunting ghost of what used to be.

ii.
pretending that the now empty bottle of Advil would help put to sleep my aching heart, just proved to be another disappointment. attempting to oppress the hurt was almost as painful as the original wound.


iii.
the mention of "forever" was designed to impress me, but you conveniently forgot to mask the lies that candy-coated every word. you never failed to underestimate me.

iv.
sleep brings no solace. behind my closed eyes, kaleidoscopes of frenzied dancing images appear and swirl. the chaos overpowers my will to forget but not my will to fight.

v.
i take pleasure in walking away from you. letting you watch as i venture away from the winterish chill of your heart... if you have one at all. although i sometimes quiver from the icy kisses imprinted on my skin, and i only hope that you feel the fiery hatred that i radiate back.

Author notes

PROMPT STYLE 3 - Word Bank (use 13 of the 26 )
*Advil
*Believe
*Canvas
*Dance
Elephant
*Forever
Genesis
Hallow
*Impress
Junk
*Kaleidoscope
Liver
*Mention
Nautical
*Oppress
*Pretend
*Quiver
Render
Sliver
Telivision
Unique
*Venture
*Winter
Xanthic (yellow)
Yonder
Zinc


Ok I used exactly 13 words ( If i forgot one let me know)

I tried out a new style... one that you use a lot.
Its my first try so ... if it sucks.. well ya.


I seem to be straying off to the random breakup poetry side.
I'm so ashamed of myself... but the last one won me gold
I'm on a role maybe? prolly not


anywho this isn't my best


Constructive criticism is welcome ( and encouraged)


N A K A T R E A

In a list

A contest entry

Any ways i could have possibly make this any better?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Valley Girl silver member
    November 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! What strong emotions and powerful imagery you have added to this write. Congrats on the HM.


    • Nakatrea
      November 14
      Edit | Reply
      oh winter... one of the most powerful imagery tools
      second to water maybe

  • I think that it this has been brilliantly written, break ups make for the best writing material as you have so aptly proven,I really enjoyed reading this piece!


    • Nakatrea
      June 26
      Edit | Reply
      Why thank you ever so much! Funny how I've never actually had a real break up. I guess i've just read enough


  • MallyJ
    June 12
    Edit | Reply
    I LIKEE

  • you write in a style similar to my own which made this a very pleasurable read quite amazing actually. i loved the set up and the use of the prompt and your topic is close to my heart. the line attempting to oppress the hurt was almost as painful as the original wound. was very well written and held alot of truth. my only suggestion is capitol I's some people get tweaked by improper grammar and for me its just due to ACT tests soon. :]
    thanks for entering


    • Nakatrea
      June 12
      Edit | Reply
      actually I borrowed your style I liked it soooo much and when i was trying to group up my word bank words i had a bunch of unrelated things so i decided that i might just have to try this style out

      Thanks for the feedback

      Kat

1 - 8 of 8