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What do you see?

what do you see when your looking at me?
a bird soaring high, proud and free..
little do you know what i mess i can be.
perfection, a skin of glint on the moonlight you see.

what do you see when your looking at me?
a women who falls on her unfailing knees..
stutters small unhearing pleas.
lucid, you see me living at gods ease.

What do you see when your looking at me?
a human who only wishes to seize.
Grip life on its forbidden sin trees,
take a bite of the apples sweet glees,
Know what it tastes to really be free.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • trekkergirl
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    interesting use of words. So what do you see when you look? Interesting questions. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering this into my contest.


  • KatherineAnne
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Great job on this piece. The form and the emotion in this is astounding. You have excellent word choice here. Thank you for sharing this wonderful write.
    Goodluck in the contest.

    -Kati


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful write, and I love your rhyme scheme
    Thankyou so much for entering this piece in my contest, and I wish you the best of luck!

    ♥ Maria ♥


  • MichaelLeeSmyth
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    when you're looking
    What is meant by apples sweet glees? I'll look it up later, just want to know your take on it. While I really like this the way that I am reading it, the subject is still not free. Look toward the second stanza.
    I like what you have to say here, we can dream of freedom all we wish to, as long as we stay where we are, that freedom will continue to be a dream. Not real smile inducing material......good stuff though.
    Peace


    • Mango Memories gold member
      June 8
      Edit | Reply
      It is allusion to the biblical story of adam and eve.

      Eve was tempted to eat the apple of the tree that god said for both her and adam not to eat.

      What i was trying to capture here is that, the persona in this poem struggles to comprehend religion, and so then decides to ditch it for a freedom- where religion does not govern her way.

      Thanks for your comment!


  • Kendal Palmer gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    you have outdone yourself with this one...it speaks of a deeply moving soul that doesn't just see the world in shades of black and white...keep that pen flowing from the heart...peace and light, kp


  • moluv10
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    A deep write here. i love how you started each stanza with the same question. The rhyme is great as well. excellent work!


  • DolceVito gold member
    May 31

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome

    "...a women who falls on her unfailing knees..
    stutters small unhearing pleas.
    lucid, you see me living at gods ease." Nicely done


  • Mehra Sultan
    May 30

    Edit | Reply

    awesome!

    I loved the whole poem but this part- lucid, you see me living at gods ease...just blows you away...I can relate myself with this poem...fabulously written

    • Mango Memories gold member
      May 30
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your comment XD im glad you can find yourself relating to this poem , at least now i know im not alone

      • Mehra Sultan
        May 30
        Edit | Reply
        I really enjoy reading your work and beside i am glad too, to know that i am not alone in this darkness...you exist in the very same room...

1 - 11 of 11