If you just give a man an inch,
He値l think that he痴 a measuring tape.
He値l give your plump behind a pinch,
And tell you that you池e out of shape.
He値l watch you dressing and suggest
You need to lose some inches from
Your belly that is not the best,
And that you have too big a bum.
He値l say your waist is far too wide,
And that your tummy should be tucked.
And when your thunder thighs are eyed,
He値l say they should be lipo-sucked.
He値l make you feel like you池e a hog
By just the way he looks at you,
And when you jazzersize or jog
In your attempt to lose a few,
He値l size you up beside some sleeze
Who has the most stupendous stack,
And say that you need double dees,
Because your drooping boobs are slack.
Though he痴 an old and hairy ape,
Whose flab would make most women flinch-
He値l think that he痴 a measuring tape,
If you just give a man an inch.
A contest entry
- Give a man an inch and he'll think he's a ruler by madamcb.
700 points, ended June 15, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I read this earlier and thought it was rather clever. "thunder thighs" is a brilliant image!
And so true too
Good luck in contest!
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Excellent....
....but do you think 4th stanza 2nd line should start "By"? I think it would be much better.
Under normal circumstances this IMHO would have won gold, but you're just a trifle unlucky, in that Discoveria has come up with a gem.
That's only my opinion, by the way.
Well done with this ; good rhyme and rhythm, and funny too - well worth 3 bananas.
Regards,
Robin.
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Ah, the benefits of hindsight!
Congrats to Mercury Rising on a well-deserved gold
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Beg to differ - yours was streets ahead in innovation, form, style, rhyme, rhythm and humour.
I said it was just my opinion, but Mercury agrees with me - what more can one say?
R.
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Thanks so much for pointing that out. That 'but' was atype, and your absolutely right, it should have been 'by', which it is now. It was just a bone-headed over-sight on my part.
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Bonehead?
We all make mistakes - except for Gordon Brown!
R.
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This was funny but I hear you talking. Thanks for the entry and good luck in the contest, conni
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Amusing.
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the way the man's mind works
you make me laugh..you know what they say
it is not what you have but how you use it
that makes the difference from hell to heaven
on bed sheets laid..p.s thank gosh this is not me...
penned awesome this mind you have..
Hugs Angel♥
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Ha omg this is too damn funny.. sorry I can't help but giggle at this not because the poem is bad just the whole premise.
Here is what it brought to mind:
One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The n ext morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!!
Since we are talking about inches I thought this fit in really well.
LOL
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From a man who knows the men around we women..Never ceases to amaze me the tunnel vision they have for we of the weaker sex, while they shoot off their mouths about us, forget their skating rinks(baldness on the top of their heads), and the missing teeth that need replacing, besides the woman in his life that keeps him smelling good with clean laundry, and his dirty socks were replaced for his sweaty feet...and oh yes, she rubbed his shirts with underarm deodorant to keep the odor good, as he won't bother rubbing it on his armpits...You can tell you hit a nerve with me friend...Thanks for sticking up for us, we need it!
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Aye, and this man who is a measuring tape
should have something of his own measured. 
lol 
Your poem is truly funny and cleverly written to bring a smile!
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