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Woman.

 

 

 

 

 

I inhaled the moon

when stars fell from shores;

before that,

I tasted carmine clouds--

 

I didn't meander beams of mistrust,

I wanted to sing like louis armstrong. 

I wanted your soul to sway

 

and I wanted life to loiter

in manuscript's muse,

where only melancholy wept

alone.

 

Is this how

true happiness harms?  I deserve

a standing ovation for my observations--

 

I stood within scent of evening's breeze,

as everything remained so still;

if your soul refused to sway

then lullabies would hang unsung.

If you loved me,

wouldn't you wish to hear?

 

I feel now

like I felt when dawn

revealed day.  I cried well

within sky's sighs.

I timidly tried to sing such sweetness.

 

I used to hum hurt

through the shaded gaze of want;

 

last night

I heard sobs beneath bosom's beat,

as a halo of heat soothed

sorrow's shouts.

With one sight, I am surviving;

the other seeks solace

within a palmful of poured promises.

 

Sky's song doesn't save the heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

i edited...and may yet return it to its original state after contest.

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24
  • "Is this how
    true happiness harms? I deserve
    a standing ovation for my observations--"

    -I love that part. I like the sincere pride expressed there - and it came across modestly rather than obnoxiously. Usually when people say stuff like that, they sound egocentric; but you didn't.


  • LadyLavender gold member
    July 26
    Edit | Reply
    Laura, I read it again, your poem...and love it even more. You deserve spotlight for this and for all of your work!

  • To feel with such passion and to want so much from life, only to be disappointed and let down, harms the heart more than sitting on the sidelines and watching it all go by.

    Your writing is never obvious, but gently and persuasively leads the reader to an "aha" moment when it all falls into place. You are a master of language and every line is filled with beautiful imagery. The ending stanza and line are so poignant....sometimes hoping is not enough. Another wonderful write that captures the depth of your emotions. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz


  • deercatcher
    July 25

    Edit | Reply
    LIne 6; is that Louis Armstrong?
    reminds me of the Line from the Julia Roberts character to the bookseller in a movie whose title slips my mind; "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a guy, asking him to love her..."

    The dilemma of woman meeting a man; reading the future in his eyes and deciding he will cherish and protect when she is undone... vulnerable...Trusting her heart while the head screams seeing the extent of extention...

  • socolagirl
    July 25
    Edit | Reply
    Awesom


  • Mariana gold member
    July 25

    Edit | Reply

    I am rendered speechless by this poem, well almost speechless.

    The imagery and metaphor combined with the message is timeless, thought provoking and beautiful. Well done.

    Mariana  

     

    PS/...I am curious as to what this was poem was like before you made any changes. Do you still have the original take? 


  • JinSays gold member
    July 25

    Edit | Reply
    EXACTLY how I feel right now. Damn girl, you pulled all the punches in this one.
    Excellent, soulful hurt resides here, and it hurts..make no mistake about that.
    I wish I could turn what Im feeling right now into something this beatiful, but just getting through this comment is taking everything.
    Love,
    jin


  • babygirl2582 silver member
    July 25

    Edit | Reply

    Speechless!

    "Is this how
    true happiness harms? I deserve
    a standing ovation for my observations--

    I stood within scent of evening's breeze,
    as everything remained so still;
    if your soul refused to sway
    then lullabies would hang unsung.
    If you loved me,
    wouldn't you wish to hear?"

    ********************************************************************************************

    And...


    "I used to hum hurt
    through the shaded gaze of want;


    last night
    I heard sobs beneath bosom's beat,
    as a halo of heat soothed
    sorrow's shouts.
    With one sight, I am surviving;
    the other seeks solace
    within a palmful of poured promises."

    ********************************************************************************************

    POWERFUL WRITE!

  • It is a lovely write, But I have to say in some places it feels "edited" . It is beautiful none the less .


  • Heart Sutra
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    This is soulful and elegant. Thank you for sharing it with the contest.

  • Very good poetry. Truly a good read.


  • DogFish silver member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    "if your soul refused to sway
    then lullabies would hang unsung..."

    Troubling and tormenting like whillpools in dark waters...


  • Night Hope gold member
    June 4

    Edit | Reply

    Grand use of alliteration throughout, Laura; one of my own personal favorite slow-dances with language. Melancholy metaphors laden with such tender sorrows within each line. Good luck in Zayra's contest.

  • Kari gold member
    May 30
    Edit | Reply
    Aw, I loved it. Good luck in the contest!

  • Papagallo
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    I always enjoy reading your work. I am intoxicated by the way you use words. "sky's sighs" "sorrow's shouts" it all amazes me. May you do well in the contest. Be kind to your muse> wwhat a gift. Papagallo


  • Heroesrox
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    I love your wonderful wording, such as "hum hurt". This is very awesome, Laura. Awesome work here!

  • absolutely...a masteful piece!

  • Whew! You may not know it, but this was written for me... lol You couldn't have nailed it on the head any harder if you had a real hammer in your hand aimed straight at my heartstrings.

    "Is this how

    true happiness harms? I deserve

    a standing ovation for my observations--"

    Amen sister! I so know where you're coming from throughout this entire piece, but w/ this section -- WOW clearly says it all!

    I appreciate free verse and as usual your work here is outstanding. You should do well in this contest.

    Honored and touched,
    Kristin

1 - 24 of 24