End of May
Insomnia hits
He hasn't slept a wink
Could it be because I'm not there?
Cusp of June
Sleepless nights
Golden sunrise; night blooms close sandman's curse
In neighbouring cities under the same sky
Comfort found in each other's arms
We need to be together...
Eyes half closed; virgin to sunlight
With pounding drum-kit head
After his first smoke of the morning
A quick, cool, shower
A nauseous feeling subsided
Extra strength Tylenol
And an urge to pee
He returns to his tumored mattress
Tossing and turning
The lake is calm
I am awake as well
And I'm bringing my bed to him in a rowboat
So we can fall asleep from day
I am his Silken Laumann;
Weaving gold strands into dreams
Pillows mark the way
And I will bring him comfort
We need to be together...
Author notes
(2009-5-29)
Photo Credit: David Stewart
In a list
- {Starts With W} • next in list
- {Trophies: Gold} • next in list
- VI. Ex-Files: Break-up Poems & Poems That Were Too Good To Destroy • next in list
A contest entry
- Because it's Friday. . . by JinSays.
1006 points, ended June 13, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Very nice write girl, congrats on the Gold.
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Hmm very interesting,
and yes.. a poem seems
to have more strength
in terms of flow/depth
when it is written from
angles of truth.
though, there's nothing
wrong with fantasy
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No, nothing is wrong with fantasy.
Really I shouldn't say fantasy, more like fiction (or what I thought was fiction) but when I looked over my poems I had written from years back I found truths in them I hadn't noticed and I now understand why I wrote them. The ones in which I couldn't pinpoint a reason got scrapped because those tended to be badly written so I find I write better now having much more life experience then when I started and the ability to be honest with myself and pinpoint a reason why I wrote something. I won't write something just for the sake of writing it anymore. Also, I am a lot more picky about the poetry I read and some of the poems I read and commented on years ago (that I thought were amazing) are now sort of bland to me because I associate with better writers now.
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Hmm.. not sure who you'd get
that from.. *rolls eyes* lol
But I can't wait to see all
the fresh writes comin
hun, they're gonna rock!!
The old ones are very good
don't get me wrong, but it's
nice to see you develop your skills
so brilliantly as you have already
being back on here egain
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It's cause all my new ones have truth woven in, and that's the vantage point I'm writing from now, whereas a lot of my old ones were fantasy or fantasy that somehow later became truth but not before it got written.
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This was brilliant and one of
your best writes to date.
I LOVE it.. your getting more
abstract in your pieces and
I'm liking it a lot.. soo many
good word usages and metaphors
here, and very creative storyline.
Congrats on a well-deserved gold
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"You're getting more abstract in your pieces"
Hmm, wonder where I could have learned some of that from.
Thanks hun.
I'm done posting old pieces
It'll all be new stuff from here on out.
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too many tag lines. take the middle one out, and just open and close with it. (or do what you want, you wrote it, this is only a suggestion-please dont take it personally).
This is superb writing, repetition of above mentioned kind of over does it. Besides that, this is definitely worth a trophy-thank you love.
Jin
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Tag lines? do you mean the title line? yeah I was thinking of removing one of them but it makes more sense to me to remove the opening one since I think it's kinda needed in the middle. I'll do that now. Thanks.
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yes, that works. Thank you.
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No, THANK YOU!
My first gold!
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definitely a winner in my eyes.
you're diligence paid off finally.
Keep up the excellent work honey, you've come a long way already.
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