Her face
disfigured by anger
tense and strained
as she stared into his eyes.
Curse words
stream behind her lips,
not one slipping
over the tongue...
Rage surging
through spine and midriff,
rising to her throat,
dying on her teeth...
The only outlet
for the flames
are eyes as dead as glass.
Distorted:
her mouth.
Such beautiful lips,
snarling and sneering,
glass eyes filled
with tears.
No more
lies,
betrayal or hiding,
she felt how gently,
carefully
this emotion was placed.
Delicately her fingers drummed
the beat of a broken heart
onto the table-top
of flesh, then
clenching
like the
agony
engulfing her.
Washed away in the downpour
of emotion,
her cooly painted facade
melts upon her
burning flesh.
Author notes
Now I will leave a note, purely because I am shocked. I am not filled with rage or hurt or any like emotion, yet the words for this arrived in my mind as I was on the bus on my way here, and oddly enough helped me to (I hope successfully) paint vivid images, at least in my own head. But, then again, that's where the pictures came from, so I know what I'm seeing, don't I.
Critique, please!
A contest entry
- Paint Words Into My Head by Velvet Rose Petals.
1000 points, ended June 14, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How Do You Like My Soul? --- Critical Review
Comments
-
First stanza, beautifully crafted. Beautiful imagery throughout the poem. It flows very well too.
my favourite stanza in the whole poem,
Delicately her fingers drummed
the beat of a broken heart
before clenching
like the agony
engulfing her.
You are talented. I love your use of vocabulary. Beautiful.
Ros -
Ok now I like it.
-
Eh, upon reflection, I don't like this much at all...
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