a giant "fuck you" rant

you fucking hypocrite!
i didnt blame you
not originally
you didnt want me to smoke and drink
you were against it
i understood that
i could live with you not being there for that reason
when he did what he did
i didnt blame you for deserting me that night
but now you are smoking and drinking
after all that fuss
you coulda been there that night
he never woulda touched me had you been there!
YOU BASTARD!
how dare you ever critisize me
i didnt blame you until now
knowing you didnt really have a problem with it
you coulda been there!
you coulda saved me!
you coulda protected me!
but you didnt...
you self-righteous hypocrite
you werent there when i needed you
and when i did come to you
you took advantage of me worse than he did!
he just fucked me physically
you fucked me over emotionally
several times!!!
these scars will never fade
i am terrified to fall again because of what you did to me
you tore me up and spit me out
you used me for your own gain
HOW DARE YOU!
i hate you!
you fucking bastard!
just commit already...
you torture me by talking about it
and by being stupid
JUST DO IT!
take all your misery with you
i cant care anymore
stop making our lives hell because you're fucked up
i gave you all that i hads
and you spat on it
then threw me aside like a broken toy
fuck you then
if i keep on like this
i will be the one to commit
im not strong enough for this
i cant break free
no matter how much i hate you
i am not able to tell you goodbye
i am still here for you no matter what
you almost killed me.........
and i continue to go back for more
WHY????