[With Only A Faded Photograph In Hand.]
I can still trace the palm lines
In the dust
On This heart of mine.
Trying to stay intact long enough for you
to break me.
Forcing myself to stay alive
and fracture with every breath.
Extracting my soul
With every kiss you faked.
Depleting my faith
With every breath I take.
The stars shined bright for you.
They grasped me
And wouldn't let me go.
Now the sky has clouded over.
And shaking hands release me.
Trembling lips that shine pale blue,
Cried out and back, cried out to you.
Crawling back through oblivion,
through the invisible screen,
Trapped inside the glass box,
Only I can hear my screams.
Paint it black,
Paint it red,
Take it back,
Make me forget.
Leave me here,
underneath black sky
and weeping willow,
put the bottle to my head
lay me face down in my pillow.
Author notes
I'm only thirteen. I'm trying here people.
I hate it.
Constructive criticism?
Much appreciated,
will return the favor.
Thanks.
-DropKick.
A contest entry
- Paint Words Into My Head by Velvet Rose Petals.
1000 points, ended June 14, 39 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Excellent.
Especially since I entered that contest too
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Grreat! i wish I could write like you! i love it!
Freiden,
Liebe,
Und Tokio Hotel
~Kiwi
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You're amazingly talented darling. This screamed of such anguish it was almost hard to bear. It is such a beautiful write. You don't need critism for this, you need a
. Never let anyone decide how you feel. Only you can make that decision. 
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Thank you SOO much Hollyyy.
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It's good. Just because you are young doesn't mean you can't be good. Haha, I started on here when i was 11, so it is good to start early. This is really beautiful, and i think you captured requited love very well, also with good imagery!
Rose -
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Fank yew.
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Trying to stay intact long enough for you
to break me.
Forcing myself to stay alive
and fracture with every breath.
...
i love how you worded and phrased that...and you say you're only thirteen? damn. you're much a better writer than i was when i was thirteen. haha. seriously, i love the emotion that just pours from each line. it's incredibly captivating. i honestly don't think i see anything here that needs to be fixed...you're truly a talented writer. (:
& thank you for the compliment♥
anytime you want me to read your work i would be glad to ! good luck with everything (:
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Thanks so much! I really don't like it.
I'd love it if you could read some of my other new stuff, when you have the time that is. Criticism from a writer like you would be great.
You are so welcome.
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