Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Storm




Convivial with the wind,
temperamental friend to trees

Corrupter of clouds;
storm boldly competes with the sun,
knowing he's never yet won.

Does the storm discern
which patch of earth is thirsty

Giving insufficient attention?
an intimidating mass of emotion pent

Outburst and overflow bent;
storm breaks

Vowels rain,
streams of thoughts and feelings cannonade

Searing profanities punctuate.



A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Velvet Rose Petals
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. I really liked this part,

    Vowels rain,
    streams of thoughts and feelings cannonade

    Searing profanities punctuate.

    Good luck!
    Rose.


  • Knight70 silver member
    May 30

    Edit | Reply

    What a brilliant painting you have penned!

    In a way, this reminds me of judging a contest, which I have yet to do. Some judges resort to "searing profanities" while driving rains gather, while others offer some constructive splatter, with a little more finesse, which I find to be much more helpful than a "mass of emotion pent."


  • faderman1959
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed the metaphor used here. Giving the storm an emotional bent was great. Thundering its profanities. Very original. Well done!


  • Tqop
    May 29
    Edit | Reply
    Great job on this poem.

  • madness abounds
    May 28

    Edit | Reply
    Reading through some of your poetry, the weather seems a constant companion, so I was surprised to see that you are an American, I thought only we Brits discussed the weather in such detail lol. Cheers for pasting the lightning on my page, it makes the artistic element of the poem complete. As for your prose, I like the conversational element of this piece, and your prose has structure and intent. As for myself, what I got from your weather poetry was that Storm is always rejecting his lover, because the Sun has such a symbiotic relationship with him. Without her he cannot fully exist, and perhaps this forms part of the reason for his frustration and then his outbursts. Sun shines over tempestous oceans and woo's each drop of liquid through her evaporous nature. Like a Vampire, Sun suck's life out of the sea and condenses his power, by drawing it to herself. But the son of sea, Storm is also reborn and Sun's action, precipitates reaction from Storm, who breaks free and returns to his Father the Sea and his Mother the earth

1 - 6 of 6