She cradles herself
And holds herself tight
And wishes that mummy would kiss her goodnight
And she still tastes the salt as it falls in her tears
Could she be a good mum at just 15 years?
And it comes to the day and alarm bells are ringing
As she rocks in a corner continuously singing
Rock a bye baby soon you will make
Everything that I have
Into something I hate
You took him away
And you’ll ruin my life
But I’ll fight back the anger and try to be nice
When the baby is born
A Bundle of joy
Its real, it exists, it isn’t a toy
And she can’t put it down
As it snuggles her breast
And it stares innocent
Fastened up in its vest
And it has tiny fingers and ten tiny toes
So she cuddles her baby and kisses its nose
You didn’t bring trouble and I feel no despair
Because now I have you
There’s somebody their
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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You did a wonderful job on this. On the last word change their to there. Go through and fix the punctuation. Then you will have the perfect poem. This is beautiful, heartfelt. So many teenagers can relate to this. You did an excellent job!
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thankyou for your wonderfull comment you really do make my day with words so kind xxx all my love A
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Wow
This is really a good one. So much emotion. The flow is perfect and it is so easy to read. Is this a personal experience or ??? Whatever for such a young person you have a lot of insight. I will definitely be following your poems on here. Thanks so much for sharing such a delightful poem
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thankyou
thankyou and no but my friend had a little baby girl at just 5 and now shes five and an amazing little cherub she in a class with my little sister thankyou so much foir your comment you really are a briulliant poet x
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Really nice!
This is really good, now take some time and make it really good. read it again and test the flow and see if it can be better. Try some different words that may be more interesting may open up some hidden avenues of thought taht doesnt change the theme of the work but gives the reader an additional surprise. I love re-writes, I have written the perfect poem hundreds of times to re-write them and make them better. Thanks for the thoughts and words. ie. I found the use of it a bit impersonal and not necessary, how about...
When the baby is born
A Bundle of joy
Real, existing, not a toy
She can't put the child down
The baby snuggles her breast
With innocent stares
Fastened up in her vest...
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Excellent
Okay THIS is my fave so far out of what i've read of yours nicely done
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