beneath the halo of your gaze,
the sands of the world
are shifting. here, in this in-between time,
you stand serene - embraced
by its endless pulse
and flow. your fingers, your hands,
with your very voice
you knit oceans to shores
and sing the skies to turn.
the echo of this place
resounds in your breath;
swaying branches, rivers,
the footsteps of elephants
through forested lands –
and our voices, our skin,
our tiny pleasures
and empty heartbeats.
you exhale,
and it is So.
Author notes
part i) of a collaboration for DaW;
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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this is one of the stronger pieces your team submitted, but it also treads really really close to stepping outside of the overall correspondence theme.
the breaks give the piece an interesting rhythm. it all kind of runs into the next idea and then the next and then the next and then slams to a hault with the capital "So." the repetition works. im not too fond of how it started, since it gets more and more tangible as it goes on, but overall it is a very strong piece that kind of stepped away from the rest of the team.
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I really like the ending, clever.
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