Water trickles quietly
down
carved
stone
tap dancing on green colored leaves
delighting in moisture.
A soft bed of moss
cradles my body,
pain slowly
d r i f t s
away floating my worries
in tandem of abandon.
Freedom from thought
reckless chains that held
me fast and unmoving.
The storms have faded
my soul is free
as birds lightly chirp their song
and the sun gives way
to the moon rising high.
Silhouette upon the water
ripples at the waters edge
heart skipping beats
river rocks thrown
one
two
three
and I am finally
Asleep.
Author notes
Happy now?
In a list
A contest entry
- Escape by Jeremy0826.
2500 points, ended June 5, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
1800 points, ended June 9, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Well? Don't read it without letting me know what you thought!
Comments
1 - 46 of 46
-
Well done!
Congrats on being Featured,
Sept. 1, 2009! ~ Tim
-
Love the imagery and flow so soft!
Congrats on the feature
Love and blessings
Rend
-
Wow, this is fantastic! I love the imagery here and the tone of the piece as well. Nicely done!!!
bravo and best of wishes
♥ kate
-
I love this! It's so quiet feeling, so serene, so peaceful. I love how you made it feel as if it was a rocking motion, as if rocking a baby to sleep. Very nicely done. I look forward to reading more!
Tawni
-
This is beautiful, serene and tranquil, a very relaxing read. Very well done and much deserving of its trophy.
-
For some reason, this took me to times, when I was much younger, and in the summer time we would go to the creek and swim all day long...beautifully written!
Blessed Be,
Jeremy
-
congrats on the silver, well deserved.
beautiful images of nature and of being open to this wisdom.
thanks.
-
this is a very beautiful piece full of imagery and very well written, i thoroughly enjoyed this piece, congratulations on being picked for the featured poem of the day- i am sure like me everyone who reads this piece will well enjoy it. thanks for sharing this one.
-
i like it, its kinda calming. the whole freedom of the soul is awesome.
-
oh deep and intriguingly dark..looks great, flows great.....altogether wonderful..
-
Awh so much pure imagery. The slight dirty pretty just finishes it off for me. (I am a sucker for a good dirty pretty
)
I really like this.
Great write!
xoxo.
-
Rich with imagery and a very well written piece. A wonderful piece.
Keep up the great work
.
-
Bravo the imagery was sensational .. A wonderful read ... Keep writing, you hae a talent.. I look forward to reading more
-
I really enojoyed this piece
Excellent job!
-
What a way to speak of freedom and yes even the freedom to fall asleep and dream.
Congratulations on that well deserved silver trophy and thank you so much for sharing this with us.
awannabepoet
-
You Are Featured!
Good morning from Today's Poem!
I found this a delightful, peaceful read filled with tantilizing images for the heart of the reader to feast upon. I adore this stanza:
The storms have faded
my soul is free
as birds lightly chirp their song
and the sun gives way
to the moon rising high.
Freedom, in it's purest sense. Congrats on the Silver ~ Jeremy has good judgement, this was well deserved!
Thanks for sharing & we hope to hear more from you!
~ Tim
-
very nice write. I like how you wrote it. Keep up your amazing work, congraulations on the silver trophy!
TwiztidMaggot -
I took this as meaning 'asleep in death'. Your imagery here is wonderful and this piece took me away to another realm. You have a gift for writing that can transport the reader's mind to inside the piece you are writing about. I found a certain darkness in this that I found beautiful. Keep writing.
Dark Wishes
Wayne Leon
-
I love the way you use words to create images and sounds in my head! well done
-
I loved the way you played on words, it had an effect on me, like a calming effect in a way. I could see it in the poem.
This was a great read. You should be proud.
-
wow
what a lovely poem....enjoyed this from start to finish......well done for penning a great write
-
awwww!
what a wonderful write!
It was so somber , so comfortable , so perfect to read!
I particularly loved...
Silhouette upon the water
ripples at the waters edge
wonderful imagery !
Well done on a great write and keep on spreading your talent!
-
Congratrulations on the Silver Cup!!
Just a really wonderful poem, I love your water poetry, Sis!! Thank you for sharing, and keep that muse's "mind current" flowing!! xx Cyn xx
-
awesome!!!! i loved this! this was great. keep it up! thanks for entering and good luck!
-
beaitfully creative and well written..... an enjoyable read
-
Superb Plus +
Ah, reminds me of the times when I meditate, and all earthly cares are dissapated as I contact Universal Mind (Supreme Being(s). Thanks for sharing this most excellent write. -
...
very nice... far from what i expected...
though it's a tad quick?
kinda too easy to run through...
you start and BAM you're finished...
makes it kinda hard to digest
but it's still real good
-
Lots of imagery and calming.....seems like i cannot write like this...my poetry is always loud and unsettling or so it seems
-
wow beautiful verse and very artistic presentation as well an excellent write dear poet
-
There are certain parts of this poem I did like for certain reason and the first is the picture, went well with the poem , second i like the effects of the placements of words, trickling down like water. 2nd,3rd, 4th, lines . Than I like the, d r i f t
started to fall asleep as soon as I read it , it gave the poem a unique touch. Then i like the descriptions and flow of the poem and a different out look of falling to sleep . I like how the worries were release and mind clear to sleep , and last but not least the ending part where I felt like it was more of a count down to sleep, than a count up and like how the word placement there made me, almost fall asleep and actually hit head on computer. thanks and was nicely done and will definitely read more of your poem and thanks , it was my pleasure to read. -
Nicely done! Good luck in the contests! ^_^
-
wow this poem is really good...i like the way it written and the picture prompt. good luck
-
I like it actually! The style at first was a little jarring, with the mix of justifications and spacings, but I read it again and I really like the picture painted...sort of a counting-sheep sort of deal.
-
This was simply a wonderful piece.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes to you.
Passions
-
HOLLY COW!!
Wow, this is really good!! I like how you described a (usually) simple thing such as sleep. I have a hard time sleeping though... I love how you made the words practically dance across the page and how they went with the stanzus. GREAT JOB!
-
The title got me thinking. "A mind current, huh?" I never thought a thought as a mind current. The picture you chose was lovely. It went well with the poetry. The way you type, the way you express your words is lovely. I long to be a great poet like you.
-
It's so soothing, I like it.
-
Beautiful, just takes me there...a solitude. Blessings
-
amazing
wow i love this its so well written and flows effortlessly keep it up
-
i love this chrissy, you have surpased ur self. its a gorgues poem
-
This is wonderfully written!
I love the imagery and thought you put
into this one.
"Water trickles quietly
down
carved
stone
tap dancing on green colored leaves
delighting in moisture."
Beautiful words here and thanks so
much for your entry! Good luck to you!
Jeremy0826
-
this envokes such calm
the idea of natures calm being related to sleep .. beautiful ....simply beautiful
~teddybare~
-
Excellent
Water trickles quietly
down
carved
stone
tap dancing on green colored leaves
delighting in moisture.
Great take on prompt. The superb word choices with style decorations have dazzled the emotions. very well expressed.
-
"Silhouette upon the water
ripples at the waters edge
heart skipping beats"
I think that's my favourite part of the piece, not sure why, but it just stuck out =]
I liked the flow and the slight dirty pretty, it worked well =]
Claire x
-
YAY! This is amazing!!!! I love it all..it describes the serenity of sleep...and juxtaposes it to the serenity of nature! Well Done!
Now add me to your AP family
-
This line rocks, "in tandem of abandon" wow
The title works well with this. It is like a mind current.
Nicely penned.
Adding your comment:
1 - 46 of 46
