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Seaweed Entangled Dreams

 

Kept from our dreams,

Entangled like the seaweed.

Life slowly strangles us,

Preventing what we may be.

A contest entry

revised

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • mcope8050
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    nice job,,, soooo much said here, in soooo few words,,, GREAT JOB good luck in the contest,,,, thanks for sharing


  • metal4ever
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    i was surprised at the length of the poem, but to be honest i atually liked it, u pulled it off nicely (Y)

  • arnal
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure the last line goes with the first three lines, I think the first three lines have a relationship, and do quite fine together. I mean you could even stop it after the first three lines in my humble opinion and make it a haiku,thanks for sharing


  • VelvetWings
    May 27
    Edit | Reply
    A nice write, short and to the point with lovely imagery. Good luck in the contest!
    ~Sparrow


  • HereComesTheSun
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    i like were your taking this but i feel it ended abruptly and you could do a little more. if you change anything let me know thanks for entering

1 - 5 of 5