The man was thrice her age and
Her parents would ne'er approve.
Still many flow'rs did he send
Desiring to prove his love.
He caught the maiden's fancy
But she was so sweet and mild
And feared they'd look askance. She
Was truly her parent's child.
Yet still he made advances
And tried then to buy her hand.
The parents took no chances
And moved to another land.
But miles would not dissuade him.
He followed them all the way.
The father tried to pursuade him
To leave but he answered, "Nay!"
So when he made more advances
The father cried, "Ye beware!
I give no second chances.
I'll shoot you down dead and fair."
So when her dad was sleeping
And all of the world was dead,
The lustful man came creeping
To steal the lass from her bed.
He grabbed her in the moonlight
And covered her mouth before
She'd time to scream. 'Twas a long fight
'Til she reached 'neath the pillow for
Her father had always taught her
To keep a sharp knife close by.
So when the dark man caught her,
She plunged the blade in his eye.
Then by the stars she knew him
And watched his black blood flow.
In ignorance she slew him
And now he would never know...
How much she had adored him.
But now in his wretched state,
She spat on and abhorred him.
And felt he deserved his fate.
Comments
-
What a surprise ending! This is wonderful!


-
Wow! :-O What you've written fascinates me. It's a splendid tale with such an unexpected end. Excellent!


-
Outstanding
This is an intriguing poem with a great story line. The rhyme is strong throughout and adds to the effect of the poem. I liked the ending - dark and unexpected. A fantastic poem.

-
I like the story line, its pacing seems to abrupt
but is perfect for the berivity of the tale. A nicely constructed tale, makes for a nice ballard, it sounds nice read alloud. (I cant sing, so I did not.)
I like this one for all its worth.






