spiral love

everything is swirling around me and you clasp my cut-up hand. a stinging sensaton runs through me and up my spine. you grab my wrist and pulls me back, away from the amber glass that's still coated with sweet liquid. i want to press my lips againest the broken glass and taste it one more time before i go, but you are pulling me back and pulling me away, so tightly that my circulation is getting cut off.

i stare at you with eyes so filled with death, my look could kill. you must be immune, or have some sort of shield though because you are staring right into my eyes and shaking your head. you're wearing a sort of look on your face that fills my chest with a guilty feeling and makes tears pour from my eyes.

i feel naked and bare even though i am fully clothed. i have been stripped of all my pride and you can only give me a look of pity. i want to smack your face and leave a mark like you did to me when you were trying to pry me away from the alcohol i pressed againest my lips.

i sway back and forth and my vision is jumping in and out. i can't see and colors are pumping through my head giving me a sense of adrenaline i have never experienced before. the ground goes shaky and i clung to you and started screaming like it was an earthquake.

flashbacks provided me with old memories of california when the gleaming green ocean licked my legs and you built sandcastles with me even though i smashed them down when the castles were complete. i was too drunk to understand what you were doing or what you meant when you told me 'here's your palace my queen'. and then the ground would shake and i would laugh at your panicky expression as you tried to get me away from the water.

your arms provide a new sense of warmth to me, a warmth that's not warm at all. it's actually cold and i shiver as your touch removes kinetic energy from me, molding my skin to yours as i freeze further. but it's a warm feeling because it's you and your love gives me a fuzzy feeling that only the amber liquid can match.

you wonder why i drink it but you don't have to look that far, all you have to do is step back from girl you're pressing your toungue againest and kissing with the kind of compassion that I have when I drink straight from the bottle. if you loved me like you love her and if i was the one who was pressing my breasts againest you then maybe i wouldn't rely on the drink to calm my soul.

i am so off balance i can't even see that you two are walking away from me. i'm lying on the bed giggling my head off because of what you said.

'lauren won't even notice we're gone...' you whisper under your breath and pull the skinny girl towards the bathroom.

and it kills me inside, because you're right. i don't even realize what is going on until i stumble my way to the bathroom and wrap my hand around the crystal doorknob. i turn it and she exhales as the door creaks open. your arms are wrapped around her pearly skin, her breasts are bare and tender.

her eyes make contact with mine, but i don't keep contact. i can't, i'm too numb to react to you anymore. her hip stick out from her slender waist like canyons. i can see why you like her and i hope you can see why i love the liquid now.

she has a shocked expression on her face and she's hypervenalating slightly (i can't tell if it's because of me or because of you). you grasp her hand and murmur reassuring words to her ear and she points at me.

all sound ceases,
and all i can see is your lips moving and her hand grabbing for her shirt on the floor. i throw it at her and grab her wrist and pull her out of my room. once she's out i stare at you wanting and explanation. you are obviously saying something but I can't hear you anymore.

maybe you gave up when you wrote 'i love you' in the sand
and i walked straight through the words
leaving drunken footprints in the sand.

i think about this and blink back tears that sting like acid and take a swig from the bottle before throwing it at your feet. you stare at it as it flies through the air but you don't step back to avoid the glass.

you grab my hand and pull me back as i try to step through the glass thats cutting into my feet.

i look down at the spilled liquid and for a spilt second i see the words 'i love you' but i walk through them. for once, i would rather take the glass in my foot than the words reflecting in my eyes.