Her conversation was a dance
where words came with wings.
In the silence, hands golden,
her eyes full of intonations,
he forgot not a sound passed her lips.
~~~~~~
All the acts of creation
respond to His decrees,
ready to fulfill the word.
He comes in a small still voice
beneath the whisper of a breeze
to be the strength all need.
~~~~~~
She crossed his lips with a finger,
Volumes passed from soul to soul.
They let the night fold its wings
around them. Candles in their hearts
lit the mountain top they had reached.
~~~~~~~
Where wind meets sail,
the tern was believed to never touch
ground. Love needs no words.
Clothed only with our infinite blessings,
we surrender in the smile of peace.
3:56 PM
05/26/09
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
The theme silence - ways we communicate beyond it. POM Contest
In a list
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Hi there I did like this the wording is great flow is nice the only thing I do not care for is the numbers at the beginning of each stanza best to you in the contest be well.
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Sorry you did not appreciate the numbers. These are vignettes. Each a separate sip of Silence. I will think about using a different method of separation after the contest is through. Thanks for sharing you pleasure with the words.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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I loved this. It was very melodic and while it painted some pictures for me, it allowed me to draw my own conclusions and experience the poem for myself. That gave it a certain motion that goes beyond words in the head. Much like that silent communication it describes
Glad I clicked.
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You bring up good points. I like lyricism and imagery. I chose vignettes because I wanted to treat my reader to little sips of silence. I tried to provide enough food for the palette to allow them to dream their own full meal. Part of this is out of a deep respect for Silence as opposed to just being quiet. These are only little pebbles cast into the pond. Each has its own set of ripples, I hope are worth following beyond the initial splash. Together, the ripples create a unique pattern that hopefully leads to other thoughts.
i am old enough to enjoy a little ambiguity for life is not so plain and simple that we are gifted with answers that make problems disappear and avert crisis. No, we are allowed to continuously grow and expand as long as we keep our curiosity as fresh as a babes. I speak now, from scientific study(i.e. brain cells: use 'em or lose 'em) and personal experience (i.e. severe secondary concussion, left side paralysis, general and continuous amnesia. Recovery:Miraculous because I treated the whole thing as a wondrous journey to be delighted in.[I know. I'm nuts])
Thank you for being bold enough to walk on the water of your own possibilities. For this is both a compliment and a gift to this writer. What more could I ask from my reader than they treat my words like wings? What more could I be given than they trust the lure of the magic in the words and allow themselves to be touched by what could blossom in the moment. Thank you.
Peace & Light,
Tom B. -
God bless you and THANK YOU for commenting on so many of the entries....blessings,
Bear -
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Not a bad write - though a little ambiguous for my tastes.
The title's a bit lengthy and I see a few misplaced commas, however, punctuation is not my specialty and I do the same things myself.
Title................5
Flow................9
Creativity..........7
Vocabulary.........8 (thought some words out of place)
Presentation.......8
Impact..............8
Good luck and happy trails.
David
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Hello my Freind
*he forgot not a sound passed her lips*.....are you missing a comma there?
Quite poetic Tomis....beautiful voice and movement within your thoughts.... tad choppy in spaces.....for me.....as I would have chosen to place some of your commas in other places, for Flow.....but after the second read, much better -
One does not breathe with the same lung capacity as the next.....your measure of Tone is well noted.....good luck,
Bear -
Title 9.15....had me curious..a tad long.....but I would have clicked on it....I think -
Flow 9.75....as always, your work has good Flow..this write is good, but I think for your talent, it could have been Great -
Depth 10.. depth is superb -
Theme 7.9....a Theme which I have seen in similar ways.....but YOUR approach is fresh and considered quite nice -
Feelings 8.95...dramatic....but I was looking for some Power to accompany all of your beautiful thoughts -
Grammar 9.7.. nice grammatical choices... lovely choices -
Presentation 9.0....format is ok...not crazy about the numbers....hurts flow a bit IMO -
Uncommonness...7.9... sure is penned well and pulls me in .....but, Theme has been done many times ....BUT....not as well as this write -
Sit & Ponder Affect 7.5...I can not say I pondered....pretty straight-forward write....one I actually understood -
Ability to follow Rules 10.0...nice job
-Bears Score: 89.85
Not bad.....looking for more power.....no editing once a Judge has touched your work -
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wonderfully penned. very graceful and so very true. good luck in the contest.
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Thank you
Glad you enjoyed my simple words. Silence is deceptive any walk in the wood on a bright spring day will tell you the Silence is far from quiet.
Peace,
Tom B.
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Nice flow and theme in this poem. I think perhaps the title could be changed to something shorter but not a give a way of what the peom is about. Over all nice work.
Title: 7
Flow: 9
Theme: 8
Feelings: 8
Grammar: 9
Presentation: 9
Uncommoness: 7
Sit and Ponder Effect: 7
Ability: 8
Ability To Follow Rules: 10
Your Total: 82
Michael -
I have seen you work before...
You have a lovely way with words...however your format...the #ing you do...always breaks the flow for me! Best wishes in the contest and always!
Write on!
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These are but sips. Enticements to draw you into the kitchen. Let you close your eyes and see what magic grows.
Love,
Tom B.
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I also like the theme of this piece and you took it to the next level with imagery and descriptives. It has a great flow and well ballanced tone overall. I would have chosen maybe a shorter title to convey the same meaning, but we are all unique in our poetic voice.
A great piece overall! The only thing I should point out that I see wrong is although you followed the rules mostly, you forgot to put "POM Contest" along with the theme in your AN. Other than that, well done! Simple yet elegant~
Remember, no editing after a judge has commented on your work until the contest is over.
Frogz~ -
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Thank you
The title is long partly because silence is often felt to be to long. There are other innuendos. Your review is deeply appreciated because you share back so much of what your received. I love to explore silence. It is like the pond that seems to have no bottom but go on forever. Is still, but never stagnate.
Love,
Tom B.
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I like the theme behind this. You can take this theme in many ways. The structure of this is well set out. Your vocabulary choice was ballanced. Maybe you could use another word instead of voice in this section of the poem. It doesn't seem to fit on the repeat:
"All the voices to choose from,
all of creation dances
ready to fulfill the word.
He comes in a small still voice"
Originality: 9
Creativity: 9
Poetic Devices: 9
Title: 9
Line breaks/format/flow: 8
diction/word choice: 9
syntax/sentence structure: 10
Mechanics: 9
Reaction: 9
Overall opinion: 8
Highest possible: 100
Your total: 89
Holly. -
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How many lines do you count?
This entry will stand....but will only give Poet a few hours to get it edited -
Bear -
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Always Moved...
by your "silence"... you often times "sign" gently and uniquely metaphorical. "LaMerci" is looking to find more of that spirit in her writing-smile
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Quiet - not the shout to cease the noise, not the sign in the hospital. Simply to become still. In the stillness, to be open to hear, see, feel, taste, touch the world with one's senses. Receiving is the least understood part of sharing.
Love,
Tom B.
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Just loving each other in sync is such a warmth of soul, the language is innate, whether one is called a soulmate or a kindred spirit.
The total trust and sharing in the last verse bespeaks such intimacy, the kind where two are invulnerably vulnerable with each other...if that makes any sense, Happiness....
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One of the things that took me the longest time to learn was the power of intimacy. First, I had to learn that I could truly trust myself to be there for me. One of the scars of abuse is feeling you cannot protect yourself. When I lived at survival, intimacy was only an opportunity to be hurt.
When I learned I could take care of me and when hurt was coming, step out of the way. I didn't have to accept them, the hurts, or hurl them back. When I learned that, intimacy became availability. When we completely love both ourselves and another, the openness is a resource of strength and a celebration of aliveness. So, after that long winded
intro, yes -- it makes perfect sense. 
I, still, talk to cover up my unease, to keep people from getting to close. Some of the buttons, the hard wired responses to a situation, are hard to undo. It is only a matter of time Silence is a gift once we are comfortable at being. We can hear God humming in his work shop.
Love, Tom B.
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Marvelous in its simplicity!
This is my first read of your writes and I am delighted to have found you. A remarkable poem for its insight, imagery and progression. Bravo!
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Thank you.
Lovely compliment. I hope you stop by and find more to love. I have it in the list Silence because it is part of a study of silence.
Love,
Tom B.
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Excellent Tomis, lovely writing once again.
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Thank you
Often, I know it is true for me, we make noise because we are trying not to listen. Denial, fear makes little difference, we make the world smaller and ourselves poorer in every case.
Love
Tom B. -
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they're all beautiful, but I'm leaning towards favoring the last two.
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wise words.........well written...lovely layers and
textures to sip upon as you read!
obviously a masters touch is in this every line
and verse!
I adore silent moments..way to write it!
ears/Seattle
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I am a Silent Meeting Quaker. It means we, the community or gathering of Friends, sit for an hour and listen, by meditation or some other quiet. Each must find their own. If something larger than oneself, ego, moves you to rise and share, then you do so. I have sat in meeting where no one speaks and felt incredibly moved and healed. I have sat in meetings where someone pops up shortly after another spoke and there is little quiet. What counts is the Meeting is gathered under the Spirit. They are then all amazing. As I showed in Absolution, often words are not necessary and a distraction from the truths that must be shared.
Love,
Tom B.
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