It's 4 am and everyone's asleep but we two. My heart's a flutter, laying here next to you. I met you only hours ago but I feel so attached. Our interests and heartaches are equally matched. We've been lying here for hours, reminiscing and getting to know one another.
Speaking of past loves, lost loves and new ones to come. You look at me and can tell I'm finally happy and having fun; looking a little nervous you put your hands through your hair. Suddenly, this sort of sweet and loving tension fills the air.
You say I'm beautiful, and different then all the other girls. My hair falls in front of my face and it's ends slightly curl. Moving it to the side, you whisper softly to me: "I've wanted to do something all night, but I don't know how you'll react." you look so nervously at me.
I giggle and lean into you, getting close. My breathing becomes hushed and my eyes start to shut; here comes the end of the tension that was once hard to diagnose...Your lips meet mine in a tangled embrace, so soft and gentle; the most happy I've felt in a while. My happiness scares a bit, I'm feeling so giddy, like a child.
My emotions running rapid and wild. You pull away and start to apologize, saying how I must think you're some sort of creep. Sure - we just met and don't know much about each other at all...but somehow I feel like I could fall. Fall for you and be your girlfriend, sweetheart, babydoll & everything in between. It's now 4:18.
Somehow I want to tell you to kiss me again, to see if the first was real. Because that first kiss was the best one I could ever feel. Kiss me again; oh please, don't be nervous, because no one else is ever up at 4 am.
Author notes
.:Contest Guidelines:.
3. Write about 4 am.
7. Write about the perfect kiss.
~ .: Okay, so this is my first try at prose...any tips on how to make it not as...story-like? xD If that makes any sense. I'm also willing to revise it to the judge's liking if need be. :. ~
A contest entry
- Lots of Options. :) Come check it out! by FightOffYourDemons.
400 points, ended September 4, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is quiet beautiful. I really do love it. I haven't tried my hand at prose before but I have to agree with you that this piece seems very story like and not so poem like.
I will accept it anyway but I do not know how you could make it less story like and I am not sure you should even try.
I just have a few little tinkering suggestions that you can take or not about the beginning of your "poem" it is pretty great as is
"You look at me and can tell I'm finally happy and having fun"
I find that this line is too much, like too cliche. It needs parring down, like maybe taking off the and having fun?
"sort of sweet and loving tension fills the air"
I do not think you need an and in there.
"Sure - we just met and don't know much about each other at all...but somehow I feel like I could fall. Fall for you and be your girlfriend, sweetheart, babydoll & everything in between"
This line just doesn't work for me. at all. Sorry. Actually after this line the poem kind of deviates into a younger and not so polished voice. It doesn't really work. or match the beginning at all. Sorry
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