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A Poem in the Key of C Minor

The piano can play of happiness -

a stolen kiss, a lover's sigh.

(My hands move down the keys)

B flat sings of a husband's lie,

E flat fumes at an ex-boyfriend's success;

A flat tells of your pleas...

 

"Please, don't go!"

I start to play

a poem in C minor.

 

Minor keys whisper of lives in a mess;

a broken heart, a last goodbye,

drying tears he won't see.

I will not let him see me cry -

and although I know some have died for less,

he will not make me bleed.

 

"Please, don't go!"

I start to play

a poem in C minor.

 

For if I sink into dark depression,

discretion could be marred by aggression...

Author notes

Title Prompt from the lovely Paloszoo.

My first attempt at an Individualtean form poem... if you want more info about them, go here. Technically, the second and fourth verses should be different... because this had a musical element, I decided to make it a chorus

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • VelvetWings
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful piece and very deserving of gold. Wish I could say more but I'm speechless.
    Keep writing!
    ~Sparrow


  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for your entry

    I adore this. I love the way that you compare the piano itself and its chords to the workings of life and what they can mean if you listen.

    Vivid and simply exquisite.

    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
    Shari


    • DramaQueen469 gold member
      July 13
      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou so much for your comment, and for the honour of gold!!

      ♥ Maria ♥


  • Draig aine gold member
    July 2
    Edit | Reply

    congradulations on the bronze

    see I told you this was good!! glad you got the shiny

  • Mercury Rising
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    A really good job with what seems like a tricky form, and an excellent poem. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.


  • Paloszoo gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent. I love how the keys speak for you. Lovely job! Thanks for writing for me and for entering my contest. I’m honored that you would show your work here


  • NoseRingGirl
    May 31
    Edit | Reply
    Quite nice, and I adore the repetition! Good luck!

  • HollyLouise
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. I love the title most of all, and how you've done a repeat.

    Good luck in the contest
    Holly.


  • Draig aine gold member
    May 29
    Edit | Reply

    a most unusual write

    I like very much, good luck in the contest,


  • Zenda-Lokki gold member
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very interesting piece and had me stumped at first. I ahdn't seen the form before and looked it up and then found that you had pretty much mastered it.
    Very abstract but extreamly well written.

    Thank you for entering "Peer Pressure the Third", Good luck.

  • FrostofOblivion
    May 26

    Edit | Reply

    Gorgeous

    Being a musician I was attracted by the anme fo thsi poem and I can defionately relate to it, knowing the soudns of the keys. It's a very creative and beautiful way to think of the sorrowful sounds of flats and minor keys, I love the imagery.

    Well done!


  • spiritraven
    May 26

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    I had never heard of this form so I looked it up and you captured it with such ease. Such emotion in this write and even though I know nothing about music I love the way you captured the musical element. I really enjoy reading your writes. Thanks for sharing and introducing me to a new form


  • Leth gold member
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very interesting piece. I had looked at it earlier when I first woke up, but I regret that now that I'm fully awake and able to comprehend what I'm reading.

    I love the musical references in this alot, being a musician myself. I never have been very good at formed poetry, so major kudos on pulling any type of form off.

    I'm definately going to look into this form and give it a try though Good stuff.

    • DramaQueen469 gold member
      May 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou so much for commenting; form is definitely something that you get better at as you go along...

      Maria

      • Leth gold member
        May 26
        Edit | Reply
        Its something I'll definately have to put my mind to. My main problem though is deciding where to start. I've already tried my hand at Haikus and Senryus, but they got boring fast. Do you have a specific form you could recommend?

        • DramaQueen469 gold member
          May 26
          Edit | Reply
          Ummm, start off with something easy (ish) like iambic pentameter... to be honest, I don't usually write to specific forms; I prefer to let it flow

          Maria

          • Leth gold member
            May 26
            Edit | Reply
            Haha yeah me too. I guess Iambic Pentameter would be worth a shot though. I feel constricted spiritually when I write formed poetry, but at the same time, it seems what most poets do to improve, so I feel like I have to force myself to do formed writes to become better. :/


  • Cyanide Dreams
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa, great job Maria. I really liked this. Your iamgery is really good and the emotion is strong. Great job and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • individuality gold member
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    B flat sings a husband's lie, - i am counting 7 here, it needs to be 8.

    i try to not use the same word twice like that with the end line of second verse then using it again to start the third. (though i am loving the musical imagery here so...)

    a broken heart, a last goodbye,
    a tear he never sees.
    - here you are forgetting the end line beginning line rhyme - you have it fine in the first but not in the third.

    the fouth verse is exactly the same as the second, and though normally i would say no - i like that repetition aspect.

    all in all, this is very good for your first attempt, the musical sounds make this poem in my opinion. i would leave the repeat 2nd and 4th, but add a syllable to line 4 and add the internal rhyme to the 3rd verse

    • DramaQueen469 gold member
      May 26
      Edit | Reply
      Oops, missed the 'of' in line four

      Thankyou so much for taking the time to read this through; I truly appreciate it!! All fixed now (I think lol)

      Maria

1 - 31 of 31