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This World of Thieves

To be enthralled in a world

where fantasy is the master,

not the figment; the voice of the secretive soul.

Latched with its own rigid rules,

and risky rides on roaring rounds.

This world of thieves

where magnificient miracles are merely routine,

where a living life values down to nullity,

a drop in the omnipotent ocean to serve a sweltering soul

whose need for blood is bloody and belligerent.

A little like a lunatic, lover of the life-crunching

where the killing substance lies in the venom of the heart

not the venom vulturing its taste

before which, life is insignificant.

One would wake wondorously in a wanton world -

in both the venom-tongued and the venom-blooded -

infected with motled knots clogging the chamber of the soul;

momentarily mum, with new notes of self-ideas.

 

Isn't it funny, though,

how fantasy lurks in the tense tornado of this world,

around every edging corner, waiting for your turn?

Author notes

Qwerty

This is a very deep evaluation of one side of life...

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Unbreakable3
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is pretty good your word usage fit well and it came along nicely, Thank you for entering and good luck in your contests.


  • KyleBerg gold member
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    Your writing style and ideas are inspirational.
    Amazing piece.. keep shining.
    x

  • An exceelnt use of alliteration, and a deep examination of societal concerns. Keep up the wonderful works.


  • Dryad Enya
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    This strikes me as something Terry Prachett would write -look him up on google if you dont know who he is- i love it, its dark and its deep and it makes you think, really think...

    Well done and good luck
    Ecki


  • Loveberry
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    ooh wow... you had some intense imagery here. this was incredibly deep, and really philosophical- i lovvveeeeddd reading it! you did a fabulous job


  • Durinda
    May 31
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good i was to feel the meaning of the poem.

  • this is really interesting. i like the deep concepts that are in this piece. i feel the final stanza could have more to it but i really liked reading this piece


  • Maxboy gold member
    May 25

    Edit | Reply

    Very well done, especially considering your age. Just a personal preference, on my part, I would suggest breaking it up a bit with stanzas. At least for me, stanzas allow the reader a pause, to think and ponder what they have just read and to emphasize certain parts of the write.

     

    Very Nice....Best wishes in the contest

     

  • i like this, its good for someone 4 years younger than me!

  • A very well penned work here
    I like the imagery you've used.
    One thing I would suggest is working on grammar issues, specifically keeping in mind that not every new line needs a capital letter, especially if it's in the middle of a sentence.

  • This is a terrific poem for someone your age, and for any age, for that matter. I love your original imagery, alliteration, and assonance sound effects,
    in this deep poem that was very well-written, and pleasure to read and ponder.

1 - 11 of 11