darkness envelops swift skies
and candles are extinguished
in the absence of wind.
death has become tangible;
it tastes like vapor and black licorice,
but sweet at the same time
i cannot allow myself
to indulge temptation.
patience has never been my specialty,
but i have no choice.
i'm sitting in a tightly-bound heart-cocoon,
waiting for someone to cut me free
and transform me into earth-shattering beauty.
Author notes
prompt: the song "beauty from pain" by superchick.
i'm not too sure what i think of this, but others seem to enjoy.
A contest entry
- audition round. (: clickety-click[click] by stepbystep.
850 points, ended May 28, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ENTER ANYTHING. by perfectsunset.
625 points, ended June 9, 57 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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i havent commented!! i can totally get points!!! PointsPointsPointsPointsPointsPointsPointsPointsPoints
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This was a genuine piece
of poetry with honest
inner emotion and
depth. A truly wonderful piece.
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
I'm glad to see you're out of your cocoon.
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hahaha awh!!
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teehee
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not bad.
I dont think this is "so bad", in fact, I find it very intriguing, and you do this song more justice then I think other could. Great work!
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oh this isn't bad at all!! i liked it!
XoXo -
death has become tangible;
it tastes like vapor and black licorice,
-oh fucking hell. the idea of death being tangible is in itself amazing, but having it taste like black licorice? well that's just genius.
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"sorry this is so bad. =\"
Whoa, whoa, whoa, we must be reading a different poem, then. I loved this poem! First off, the title pulled me in and the first line made me want to finish the poem. My favorite part was this : "death has become tangible;
it tastes like vapor and black licorice,
but sweet at the same time
i cannot allow myself
to indulge temptation."
That part is pure perfection.
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Ugh it makes me angry when something mind-blowing is apologized for. Dude. Your writing kicks ass. Accept it.
hmm I like that song.
I love imagery...and this was full to the brim with it. Great job
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ha, thanks.
I usually have some confidence in my writing. I just feel like I can't write lately. -
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Yep, I know the feeling. I'm not quite at a writer's block (or would it be poet's???), but yeah. My muse is dying. =/
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I don't have writers/poet's block. I know what I want to write. I just don't know how to write it. It doesn't come out like a poem. It comes out all sputtering and inconsistent.
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What do you mean this is bad????
i loved it.
"death has become tangible;
it tastes like vapor and black licorice"
wonderful imagery.
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i just.. i dunno.. it's just... odd, lol. glad you like it though.
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haha. odd poems are the best, though.
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i also lalalove the title xD
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simply gorgeous ♥
i adore your imagery so much.
'death has become tangible;
it tastes like vapor and black licorice,
but sweet at the same time
i cannot allow myself
to indulge temptation.'
beautifulbeautiful ♥
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thank you. i actually don't think this is that good haha.
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it tastes like vapor and black licorice,
but sweet at the same time
oh wow. i love your metaphors that you use. they're so unique and amazing. tasting death?! holy crap. (:
i'm sitting in a tightly-bound heart-cocoon,
waiting for someone to cut me free
and transform me into earth-shattering beauty.
captured hte song PERFECTLY. its insane.
holy crap holy crap. i seriously appreciate this song soo much more now.
Thank you.
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haha, all right. (:
take your time, love. -
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finished.
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