I hear the ticking of the clock
it's 4am again
and I still lay here
itching from the crumbs on my unwashed sheets
tossing and turning to the sound
from the sirens blaring up and down
and I here the voices
of people on the street
and all of this keeps me awake
I cannot sleep
because when my eyes close I see you
drift along to a dream land
where your hands rest against my shoulders
gentle and clinging
where your eyes caress my heart
warming my skin where they touch down
where the sound of your voice embraces me
clinging to me so tender
but that world is a fantasy
and it pulls me to pieces
leaves me listless and depressed
for it is not reality
and you have no such feelings for me
so I lay awake,
it is 4am again
and still I refuse to sleep.
Author notes
Write about 4 am.
A contest entry
- Lots of Options. :) Come check it out! by FightOffYourDemons.
400 points, ended September 4, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I love this. I adore this.
I really enjoy the feelings and emotions. The restlessness of unrequited love. The desperated desire to have the someone you love love you back and to dream about the ways they would and how that would feel. I think that these emotions and ideas are very easy to relate to and that is one of the things that makes good writing, being able to make other people relate to your feelings.
I really like the poetic devices you use and it seems like you have chosen your words very carefully. I like that it seems like you put a lot of thought into tis poem.
My favorite lines would have to be "where your eyes caress my heart" and "where the sound of your voice embraces me
clinging to me so tender". I think that the personification of their eyes and voice brings a better understanding to the reader of what you are feeling. great job.
Thanks for entering and best of luck.
Nikk -
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Thanks a bunch for your kind words, I did try to put some real effort into the piece, and its always nice to see that its noticed.
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it is 4am again
and still I refuse to sleep.
as the night goes on and our head fills with
life the door wont close and the lights wont go out
to much to see and do the head spends the night
running and thinking to much.. Awesome
Hugs Angel♥
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At first it makes me think you are new to living in New York City, and then as it goes it seems like maybe all of this is part of some sort of dream you are having throughout the poem.
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i can relate. it was fantastic. great write and good luck in the contest
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