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Silently walking and watching
Quietly seeing and feeling
My mind is slowed
My limbs are bowed
The ground does crunch
My shoulders hunch
The weights of the world do sit
Crushing with each successive hit
So many tears
Reflecting fears
From long ago
Before the show
Proving with each successive hit
How those of the world do sit
Their shoulders hunch
The ground does crunch
As limbs are bowed
And minds are slowed
Quietly seeing and feeling
Silently walking and watching

Once I had emotions galore
Back in times prior to this gore
Now I am left with tears of ice
Frozen reminders of my life

In a list

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Sunduiri
    June 4

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    I like it

    M'Lady is a sad poem, I actually cried reading it. sorry I can't do critical but please please please keep writing I love reading your work!


  • Wandika gold member
    May 25

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    Good poem

    Last line within is one word.
    I would try to make the timing and emphasis more consistent. Timing varies from four to eight which is fine but five four eight rings wrong. You asked for critical...

    The thoughts in the poem and the emotion are an excellent source to draw upon.

    All in all a poem with good potential and one which I did like reading.

    Jim


    • Rev Alimae gold member
      May 26
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      Critical Review

      Jim,

      I am most appriciative of a critical review, thus the reason I chose to ask for such. I had not realized that my meter was so off.
      Your praise of three is suprising considering the errors, and I thank you for them.

      Rev. Alimae